Monday, May 6, 2013

My Motherhood Recommendations for Sanity

So as I read more and more other mommy blogs, I've come to the conclusion maybe I don't fit the "blogger" type. First, as I mentioned the other day I am not obsessed with these best of the best products and parenting approaches so I am not a good source for what product or parenting practices to recommend to you, my dear readers.  I understand that this though is how they make their money, which I could always use a little bit of that, but I did that type of writing for two months for an online site here for six articles, which are the ones all listed there on that page. And anyway, I was really not all about the whole telling parents how to do things or recommending things for them to buy. And I've started to realize blogging at times isn't much different. Except this is my site so I am the boss and I've never been much of a conformer so guess I'm just writing to entertain you all with my wonderful sense of humor, my kids' hilarious moments on their journey to adulthood, and my occassional, sometimes insightful thoughts on parenting. I grew up where you rode in the back of a pickup truck, didn't wear a helmet to ride your bike, and all those other "dangerous" things of today so some of those fancy, cuddly, cutesy things and ideas of today just aren't really me so I have no real products or practices to recommend to you, but I do have this. The top 5 mother recommendations for preservation of your sanity:

#5: A safe room: Not for the intruder that will probably never (hopefully) come through your door, but a room that NO ONE knows about but you. A place you go to hide from your children, your husband, the crazy neighbor, the unwanted guest, the in laws! I'm going to tell you what to stash in there in a moment.

#4: Double bolt locks: Children are really smart, way smarter than some give them credit for and when they want their mommy, sometimes there's little to stop them from seeking you out. So two bolt locks for every bathroom, your bedroom in case you ever decide you actually want to procreate again, and probably one for that safe room in case they find it.

#3: Some stupid friends: And I say friends as in plural in case the first ones start to get smart. They need to be friends that don't have children, that are niave, that really have no idea what they are in for when they kindly volunteer to watch your children for an evening.

#2: Extra birth control: The more kids you have, probably the less patience you have, and the more forgetful and absentminded you get. So you might want to quadruple back up that first method of protection so there aren't any "accidents" to contribute to the lose of whatever sanity you have left.

#1: A bad habit: I once told my cousin it was a good thing I never smoked weed or became a smoker prior to having kids. There's been points, especially with things like moving and small kids, where I could probably have smoked something to chill the hell out. I went through four years of high school, four years of college and never smoked a joint in my life and my children were the first to make me think about it! (Okay maybe not them; maybe it was a combo of things) So in that safe room you may want to stash that hidden pack of cigarettes, bottle of wine, or if you're like me that can of soda and dark Milky Way. Or bag of doritos or whatever bad guilty habit chills you out and makes you happy.


1 comment:

  1. I LOVE IT!!! Thank you soooo much for sharing this! I adore your types for sanity...unfortunately...I READ THIS TOO LATE!! I haven't been sane in a while...but hey you read my blog you know that! I'm not really great at the "traditional" mommy blog idea either...I tried out a few posts to see which got the best results...honestly, my crazy silly posts get more hype than any educational ones!