Thursday, February 20, 2014

The 10 Mom Skills I've Mastered the first few Years of Motherhood

Five years into this motherhood thing and I have found that I have mastered these following skills I never knew I had.

I can now inhale my dinner in record speed: Due to the threat of a toddler meltdown, having my meal interrupted due to a dozen trips to the fridge for this and that, the needs and demands of a crying infant, or the need to hurry up for something, I have come to realize I eat my food in the hurried pace of someone who hasn't eaten in days.


I can now speak another language: It is called toddler gibberish. I can translate a stream of what sounds like Japanese to coherent English to all of those confused by toddler dialect.

I can now sleep in a space no wider than three feet: Because my children love their mommy and daddy cuddles so much, most mornings we find two of them sandwiched between the two of us in which case they are laying upside down or horizontal while we sleep scrunched in as straight of a vertical line as we can be on each side of the bed.

I am now a fierce negotiator: However, I do not think the government will be calling on me to negotiator with terrorist as I'm weak and consent to  negotiating with the little terrors that seem to rule my house. Some nights it's a bargaining game to get them to finish their dinner or finish cleaning or to stay in bed. Candy and TV time before bed is my go to clutch.

I can now use the bathroom with an audience: No phobia or bashfulness here. In high school girls don't even like the idea of showering with each other. Anymore I feel like I rarely know what it's like to go to the bathroom without "an attendant".

I am now a certified referee: My three popular referee calls are "Sort it out among yourselves, girls!", "Both of you to your rooms!", or "Give it to me and that will solve the problem."

I can sleep with one eye open and ears on full alert: Occasionally for different reasons I may decide to take a "rest" while the girls are playing and I have learned the art of sleeping while awake.

I have learned to never underestimate the sound of silence: As much as peace and quiet is a good thing I have learned as long as my children are awake that kind of silence usually only means trouble.

I have developed superhuman strength: I can carry a baby, a toddler's hand, three bags, and an armful of toys and clothing left in the car all at the same time. I just have to figure out how to open doors while carrying all of this.

I have developed mind control (of myself): Miraculously through motherhood I can now handle gushing blood, projectile puke, and explosive diarrhea.

Those, moms, are my mastered skills of motherhood. What skills have you developed through motherhood?

                                                   "You better sleep with one eye open, Mom"
               Not only do two of them take over our bed but there's a life size baby doll in there too!
                                                      "We'll sort it out, Mom"

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Do you have your copy of my book,  Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas ? It's only $8! Check it out if you haven't. You can get the Kindle edition on Amazon this weekend for $1.99!

11 comments:

  1. Angela, I love this. Lol, oh my can us other moms relate! -I know I can. :)

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  2. Totally agree with this. I found myself saying "Yep, I do this" lol

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  3. LMBO!!!!!!!!!! This is so funny, it appears that I have developed these same masterskills!!!!!! Like you and your husband we also end up with the girls between us! LOL That's life.....at least for now once they are older is gonna be a whole new set of masterskills!!!!!
    Great post!

    Ari

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  4. My husband and I were laughing out loud reading this! All of these are so true, especially the mind control. I taught preschool for years and would run screaming at the first sign of puke or diarrhea, yet I somehow deal now! And the bathroom audience...we were joking during the Olympics that the bathroom setups were preparing them for parenthood! Great post, it's always nice to know we're all in it together :)

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  5. This is a great post! I believe each of us had mastered these skills, been a mom requires lots of strength and patience, I love the way you describe it. :)

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  6. This is so true! Great post! Your girls are adorable!

    Momndaughtersavings

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  7. Nice mom skills. I'm gestating my second so I don't have the referee skill... yet.

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  8. This can be hilarious too! :) Amen with mastering sleeping while awake - I do that all the time! Toddler gibberish.. ahhh my son is almost 3 and he talks like Japanese or German, quite funny and interesting. LOL.

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  9. Thanks for linking up with the #LOBS weekend!

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  10. Too cute. I have sadly mastered these skills as well.

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  11. Hey, Your post is very informative and helpful for us. In fact i am looking this type of article from some days.

    mothers skills

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