Friday, March 13, 2015

What I Want to Teach My Daughters about Girlfriends

Our children start yearning for friendships at a very young age. At six years old, everyone is my daughter’s best friend. However, I know as she grows there will be many friendships that come and go. Maybe she’ll be lucky and there will be one or two that will remain her friend not only through her childhood but into adulthood as well.

As we grow and go through different stages in life we lose friends for various reasons. The majority are lost simply because as we grow we start to go our separate ways, create our own paths and lives, and just slowly lose touch with one another. However, one of the wonderful things I love about the modern day use of social media is our generation can now maintain or reconnect with those friendships in ways that generations of women before us could not. Then there are the few that we lose, whether we have social media to stay connected or not, because of some level of toxicity.

The thing I want my girls to know is how to not only tell the difference but what to do in the case of both. Over the past few weeks several of the women in my life have encountered various struggles whether it’s dealing with a sick kid that doctors are struggling to diagnose,  frustration with career and uncertainty on making change, relationship struggles, or as in the case of myself miscarriage and dying dog, the friends that matter; the ones that are their true friends, no matter the distance or the time since the last time they talked or even saw each other, will be there to offer support and encouragement. The friends that matter will cheer them on in their endeavors; the friends that matter will love them for who they are.

But along the way they may encounter a few that don’t support them, don’t encourage their ambitions, or truly accept them for who they are. The true friend will love them despite their flaws and shortcomings, and she will say what she has to say to their face and not behind their back even if it may hurt their feelings because she wants to help them, not hurt them. When friends are like this it is like any other relationship; sometimes it’s best to just walk away. There’s not necessarily anything directly wrong with them or the even friend that is unsupportive but the combination of the two is just toxic for some reason.

Friendship is not a competition field. Just remember you’re not playing the same game on the same playing field as they are. Just as many of those early friends you made were possibly on the playing field and you were teammates cheering each other on, it’s the same way as you go through life. True friendship is never a competition; now you're teammates in the game of life.

When they find the good ones, the ones that love them for who they are,  hold onto them. Make the time to call, to check in, to spend time together even if it’s only once or twice a year because of distance. You will encounter the true ones at different points in your life. I have the two from my childhood, two more from college, and now two I’ve picked up after marriage and kids that I consider true close friends. These ladies know me, flaws and all, and despite it all just love me for me. They’re there to be a listening ear, shoulder to cry on, or comic relief when I need them. Then through social media there are so many others I’m able to reconnect or maintain friendships with and even though they maybe don’t quite know me to the depth of the other six, those friendships still matter too.
I want them to remember friendships are like any other relationship. It’s a give and take. Don’t just take from them; make sure you’re giving back to them with your own support and encouragement. When you find that reciprocate relationship whether it’s close or not, it’s definitely one of the things in life to hold onto. You will need them and they will need you.

Do you have your copy of my book,  Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas ? It's only $8! Check it out if you haven't. You can also read the latest review on it and follow the ebook links here.

Recent posts you may have missed

Pressing Pause

Writing Fiction Again


                                                           Shop Gymboree for Spring Deals


No comments:

Post a Comment