Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Take #2

We're getting ready to do take #2 on this whole three kids with two full time working parents and no family support thing again. Quite frankly it was a complete absolute failure the first time, but we can't keep our reinforcements (aka grandma) forever. Me being the Miss Independent that I am figures it's time we figure this out for ourselves anyway.

We're just going to have to figure it out. Whereas I went into it the first time all naïve and bubbly positive the first time though, I'm going into it with a more realistic attitude this time, which my husband will probably classify as a bitchy attitude. I'd rather think of if more as a take charge mode. I'm a very much if something isn't working or failing take action and fix it which is exactly why the turn around in my mental state was so swift in October.  But the fact of the matter is I cannot nor will I do everything I was before. I made some comment over the summer how he was banned from going downstairs for "his time" until I was sitting on my butt for mine. He'll take this as me saying he doesn't do anything. That IS NOT what I am saying but as I told him back in October when everything finally just crashed in a heaping mess, I need him to do more.  I knew and still know I'm going to have to do more this year, but that also means everyone else too.

I don't rely on him for financial support so there is no sense in him relying on me to be the traditional housewife.  If I wasn't gone for work 50 hours a week and worked part time or something then we could talk about me being more like that, but I pull the same financial weight as he does. I'm up almost an hour before him and most nights I'm lucky if I have everything around the house finished, the kids (more so the baby) ready for bed, and am ready to sit down myself by 8:00 before I go to bed by 10-usually with the girls- while he stays up a good additional hour or so. He already gets that extra hour of sleep in the morning and extra hour after the whole house goes to bed. Yes, I fit in a half hour workout most days that is "me" time in that crammed 6 am to 8 pm but almost always with a baby underfoot and two little girls with me or fighting. What cracks me up is when he's been in positions that more resesemble my stressful overwhelmed days he's rather cranky-why us women get labeled as bitchy for being grouchy about being stressed and overwhelmed irritates the hell out of me.

He once told me a good leader delegates so as we know women run the house so it's on me to reevaluate how I'm going to delegate things this second try. He does the trash (once a week), the yard work (twice a month), house repairs (monthly around here probably) , dinner (usually nightly), drops kids off in morning (daily). My responsibilities are typically  house pick up (daily), dishes (usually nightly though he started doing this occasionally because of bath time), kids baths (couple nights a week maybe once a week he'll do this), laundry (3-4 times a week/he'll do a bunch if he's off work for a day but it's been defaulted to me if he's working), budget and managing of household finances  (biweekly), household business management which can include just keeping an updated calendar, activity registrations, vacation planning, correspondences in regards to insurances, doctor appointments (there's always something if not several things  weekly on the to do list/ I will sometimes delegate a few things to him but then I'm accused of nagging so most time take a "forget it and I'll just do it myself" attitude). This is on top of the fact of putting the baby to bed nightly and hounding Ave to do her homework which neither of us do very well anyway.

I need to balance his three daily/weekly responsibilities to my five to six out. I think the biggest thing I want to tackle is the laundry. I'm seriously considering making everyone responsible for their own. He can have his own basket in our room, I'll put mine with the baby's, and the girls have their hamper. We each do all of our own laundry from start to finish. I'll have to help the girls a bit with theirs, but putting it on them will also help encourage them to do not be so wasteful with throwing clean clothes in the dirty clothes! In the evenings it use to be fair for him to do dinner and me clean up, but that doesn't work anymore because I'd have to be doing dishes at the same time of baths and bedtime most nights or doing dishes after bedtime in which he would be downstairs resting after dinner like we were back in the 1960s or something. It's going to have to be a coin flip or rotation on who does the dishes and who does baths each night. And dishes cannot just be clearing the table. We have a dishwasher now so doing dishes isn't actually that big of a job anymore.

Look at goals w 35

Look at the crash, depression, weight gain, writing successes, health & fitness journey

The pulled so thin and feeling like it s a weakness if we can't do it all, be it all to everyone

I have to believe even the highly successful mom that always seems to have it together struggles;

We re each on our own road of discovery here.

At some point I just have to accept the laundry will never be all finished, the house is going to be a mess most of the times therefore it s probably only going to get cleaned when my fairy godmother (aka known as my mother or grandmother or MIL)

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