Reflecting and Anticipating

Our summer is winding down and I am definitely a little sad. At the same time I always get a little excited about the upcoming school as if I were a kid again. I even already spent one Saturday night outlining all my unit lessons for the whole year for my eleventh graders and looking up ideas for my HSA prep class so I must be somewhat motivated if I'm doing that. But even though my kids are going to great places as well come this Fall, I'm dreading the hecticness that comes with being a full time working momma. The early mornings (I am not a morning person); the misbehavior and noncompliance of students (seriously if you could get rid of this and the politics that surround education it would be the best job ever); the exhausted feeling in the afternoons when I want to rest but know I should be  and usually do play with my kids; the rush in the evenings for dinner, clean up, baths, and bedtime; and then prep myself to do it all over again tomorrow; and maybe if I'm lucky I get an hour to wind down and look at something work related. I told a friend that if I could work part time on a block schedule it would be perfect because I do love my job but I love my kids more and I hate feeling like I'm stretched too thin to give them the time and attention they deserve.

But Averi starts preschool this Fall so she's super excited. I am too but I'm also terrified. She has never been in a big setting before. She was at a home daycare with usually two or three other small children and then our nanny this past year after her sister was born. Being is a class with fifteen or so other children in a building with probably 100 other children just makes me think of all the negative things she'll be exposed to from crazy amount of germs, to all the bad words and/or gestures kids learn from their homes, to how little kids can be mean and not always her friend (my husband works in elementary schools and little kids know some bad things and can be very mean). I'm sure because Nate and I both work schools and we re constantly amazed at the behavior and things kids KNOW, I'm a little paranoid and I'm sure I'll drive everyone nuts Sept 4 when she starts with my constant worrying. She loves people though and she's so excited about making new friends and going to school. I'm excited to see what she learns and because she's never been in a school setting see how she does academically for her age. She's also going to play soccer this Fall so I'm looking forward to watching that.

As for Kenzi my friend from work mom is retiring and she's going to watch Kenzi and her granddaughter. Even though I know her well and know that Kenz is in great hands August 20 at nine and half months will be the first time I have to drop her off and leave her with someone she doesnt' really know that well. She of course cause she was only two months old didn't know Sarah back in January that well either but she still woke up in her own bed in her familiar house with her big sister everyday. Now that she's older and going through mommy anxiety as it is, having to drop  her off by herself without her big sister, is not going to be easy at first. It's a good thing I'm planning on riding with my friend that day. She likes to talk alot so she'll help distract me; otherwise by myself I would probably cry all the way to work just like I did each time I ve had to leave them for the first time before and every time Averi would go through mommy seperation anxiety even though I was leaving her with her beloved Miss Kate I would still cry on the way to work. As I said though, Kenzi will be in great hands and she'll get a chance to become better friends with my friend's daughter that is only four months older than her. I know once we all fall back into the school routine we'll all, including myself, be fine. It's just a transition I always dread a little.

As for the summer. It's been a great summer. We spent June and the first week of July at home, which may be the longest stretch in a summer that we've ever stayed home. As I mentioned before it was like we vactioned at home and we did a lot of enjoyable local things. We've been back home for a week now and we had a playdate yesterday and a family picnic at the park today. We just got back last week from a two week trip with a weekend stop in Virginia for a wedding, a few days in Kentucky to visit my aunt and grandma before spending a week in Missouri with my family. As always it was great to go home and see my family. I love watching Averi get to play with her cousins. Her and Addi have so much fun together. I wish they could see each other more. It's alwasy a little  depressing when I come home. I do miss my family and now that I have kids, I hate that they only get to see their Papa, Nene, aunts, and cousins three times a year. I love Maryland but as the long two days of driving emphasized again, Maryland to Missouri is soooo far. We talk sometimes of moving somewhere closer, like Chicago or Colorado, but I also know if we're going to do that we'll need to do in the next ten years before Averi gets too far into school and would be more upset about leaving her friends than being a day closer to family. We love our life we've built out here too though but because we moved out here with nothing and knowing no one, I also know we could make a big move and transition like that again and be okay. I guess time will tell and we'll see what the future holds.
                                              Averi and Kenzi with four of their cousins

                                             Family picture at friend's wedding in Virginia

                   Four generations of Italian girls- my grandma, my mom, me, and my daughters

                                        The girls with my sister's two kids, Addi and Paxton

                                              Averi with her best friend and cousin, Addi

                           Averi and Addi riding the waterslide with my sister, their Aunt Tete

                  The six kids again with my sister Kelly and cousin Leslea, who is always sure to make it down from her home in Iowa to see me and the kids when we're in town. This does not go unnoticed. Thanks, cuz, for always making the time.
                                     
                                               My parents with their four grandchildren.

                                  Averi and Kenzi in the hotel on the way back to Maryland.

My childhood best friend's daughter, Haleigh. They always come to see us when we're in town too. Thank you.

We're home for one more week before we take off to Pennsylvania for about ten days or so to visit with Nate's family. I'm kind of bummed that we didn't take a vacation, vacation to somewhere new this year but the best year to skip that I figure is the year with a baby. I love to travel. In fact, the word love may be an understatement. My three year old has been to over a dozen states already. So my kids are either going to share our love for traveling or hate it and never want to go anywhere after they ve spent their childhood being dragged all over America. Now that we have children there's so many places left on the travel list that I want to put off until they're a little older so they'll remember and actually get to enjoy the experience with us more. Aren't family vacations part of everyone's favorite childhood memories or is that just my love for traveling blinding me? And when it's all said and done, as much as I'm sure they'll remember some of the great places of America that we'll visit, it'll be those trips up north and out west to see their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins that will be the ones that they anticipate the most and will be the most treasured memories cause they're the ones with all the people they love. And even though we don't live close to either of our families, I hope my girls learn the true meaning of family and about the commitment and love that comes with family. I grew up where one side of our family was all right there in the same place and the other side lived far from one another. And from both sides, whether they were the ones that lived close or the ones that lived far, some understood what this really meant and others gave me reason to doubt. No matter what obstacle stands in their way-money, work, other people, negative emotions, and whatever other reason that prevents people from making the time,  I want my children to know that you ALWAYS, ALWAYS make the time whether it's a phone call, a letter in the mail (or email these days) a drive across town, or a drive across the country. In the end it's your time you got to spend with them that matters.