And why do I feel tomorrow is such a much needed day home. Because this working momma of two has found this year to be the exhausted, overwhelming experience I had such anxiety about last year when I went back to work in January. Why is it so bad this year? I think a couple things have contributed to it. One, was even though it was only January when I went back, it was only nine weeks or so to Spring Break and then that final countdown to summer, and I think that light at the end of the tunnel cheered me on. I now know what a HUGE help it was having Sarah at my house last year and not having to add time to my day with dropping and picking up at two different places (as always my kids are spending their days with great people but there really is a big added bonus when the sitter is at your home). Nate's also in the thick of this graduate program he started so he's busting his butt with a job that already demands a lot of extended hours on top of classes that are working him like it's the only thing he has going on in life, which leaves me single parenting it half the time. Work has just really rough this year, and I don't think I'm alone in this so I don't think it's just because I have small kids at home. Everyone just feels like we've been beaten down to the point that we typically feel in March but it's only October! And I just hate, hate how everyone else's kids suck all my patience and time out of me during the day that by the time I get home I'm too tired and impatient with my own children. I get them for a few short hours an evening, especially Kenz who goes to bed so early at 730. I'm always torn between rushing my kids to bed so I can wrap up the day's work and have a few minutes to relax or pushing back their bedtime. And even though it may be "bad parenting" for all those parents that are all about routime, but I usually judge it based on them. If they're happy and in good moods then I don't see the harm in pushing back their bedtime. But when they're driving me crazy after a long day of everyone else's kids on my last nerve, they're off to bed. As I told Nate, there just is NOT enough hours in the day. I think if the day was just a little longer, I wouldn't be so irritable about it all, which is why in the next year or so I'm hoping we can cut down the hours in my work day. I never thought I d really want to be a stay at home mom, but I have been looking into something, anything that will give me an option to be less stressed and give more of myself to my kids. Just afraid by the time I figure that out my kids will all be in school. In the meantime, it is what it is, and I know many other mamas are in the same boat so for now I suppose I just better suck it up and do it too! Can't change it right at this moment.
On the positive side, we've had some fun family weekends the last few weekends. We've been to the pumpkin patch, the parks, carved pumpkins, had a visit with Grandma, and celebrated Kenzi's first birthday! So it's been a busy last two weekends. I can't believe our second baby is going to be one already! She has been happier this second half of the year and I hope that continues to be the case. I don't know why, but I worry so much that her crankiness as a baby is a sign that she's going to be an unhappy person as she goes through life. I just want her to be happy and love life like the rest of our crazy family. Averi finished soccer, and I have to say Nate and I found it almost a painful experience. And Averi is not a fan. She actually ran to kick a ball in the game yesterday but when she saw another boy coming up beside her, she took off and ran the other way. Poor kid. It was too aggressive of an activity for her. She frequently tells us now how she likes dance and gymnastics better so I guess we'll stick with that for now. I'm hoping she likes Tball a lot better, which it's not a contact sport and she's pretty good at hitting and throwing the ball so hopefully it'll go a little better. But it wouldn't surprise me if she ends up being the first girly girl of the Williams bloodline. But no matter what she or Kenz do I'll be there to watch it all and enjoy it, even if it's something as awful as three year old soccer.
Love this big smile
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