Stepping Into Motherhood: One year with our Nakenzi Grace

One year ago today, we welcomed our Nakenzi Grace into this world! It's so hard to believe it's been a year already. The birth of my two daughters is by far two of my most treasured memories. Those moments are have to be one of the most surreal moments in life's experiences. Even for fathers; I know for my husband they were moments he'll always remember. However, Kenzi's birth panicked him more than Averi's. It was more the aftermath part, when I started losing a lot of blood I guess that the experience took a rather negative dive for him. Lucky, for me I was rather unaware of the situation and was a little too out of it from either the lose of blood or lack of food, to recognize everyone's concern. Luckily though they just kept me in the labor and delivery room longer than normal and I had to stay hooked up to IV for an extended amount of time in case I had to be rushed to the OR but everything worked out fine and the concern and worry was just for precaution.

And our little Kenzi Grace was demanding from the start. Our second night in the hospital, Nate decided to go home to be with Averi who was staying with his grandma. Kenzi cried and wanted to nurse ALL NIGHT LONG. I think I spent the majority of the night crying from exhaustion, pain from nursing, probably hormonal balance because I wanted everyone from my husband, to my mom, to my dad, and no one was there. It was just me and my crying, demanding baby. I almost called Nate to come back so many times but held myself back.

Unfortunately, it didn't get better from there at first. She cried for hours everyday. The doctor never said she was necessarily colic, and my mother and sisters were constantly telling me to quit nursing her. But I struggled enough as it was to produce enough milk to keep up with her eating and knew I probably wouldn't do it very long anyway but wanted to nurse her as close to the six months I nursed Averi for so I kept nursing her. And she did become a little less cranky around five months when she could start to crawl, but when I quit nursing her around seven months, she was still fussy and upset frequently. And even though throughout this second half of the year, she does seem to be getting happier, we've come to realize maybe she wasn't necessarily colicky but just asseserting her opinion and voice from the start!

She does love her big sister. And I LOVE to watch her and Averi interact together. They truly do adore each other, and they really do get along great. They will play and play together. And Averi is Kenzi's little rescuer. She constantly defends her, gets things for her, helps her, calls her her baby. And Kenz gets so excited to see Averi when she wakes up from sleeping or when we get there to pick her up from daycare.I always remind Averi how a sister is the most special gift she's recieved (at this point until we hopefuly have a little brother).

Raising these two girls are by far the biggest reward of life. I know I complain frequently about having to be a working momma, but I truly do love this time in their lives even though it can be a tough and challenging time. I know it's going to go by so fast and before I know it they'll be teenagers busy with their own lives and then adults starting their own families. I know Nathan and I love them both more than life and hope as they grow they're comforted and confident in that. As a little girl, you play with your dolls, dreaming of your "adult" life when you'll be the mommy, and it stills awes me that I am know living the reality of that dream. I think for both of us, the family we've created and continue to grow together is a dream we both treasure. The reality of your dreams are always a little tougher than when you imagine them as a little girl because life in adulthood is not quite as simple as it looked through your adolescent eyes, but I have to say the love you feel for your children and the emotional joy at their birth is one of the moments of reality that surpass what you imagined in your own childhood dreams. We love you more than we can say, Nakenzi Grace, and are so very blessed that you joined our family a year ago!