Almost there

We are winding down closer to the break. Thank God. I know every year I say I don't think I have ever needed a vacation as desperately as I do this year,but I think that is really truly the case this year. Nate and I both are extremely exhausted and overwhelmed. He s in a class right now that meets every Saturday between Thanksgiving and Christmas, which also means he has to cram all the work into those four short weeks.

We're trying to get ready for the holidays, getting ready to move, have to get everything ready at work to turn around and be gone for a week after I go back in January for Tam's wedding, getting to the point where I need to do things for Tam's wedding.

And Averi I think is picking up on our overstessed, overwhelmed vibes or we're just really that impatient with her she's misbehaving a ton lately. She's even had four accidents in this four week stretch, and she hasn't had an accident since probably the summer sometime. Then on top of it all, her school was randomly shut down this Wednesday and we have not heard one thing from management on why or when it'll be back open. So she's back at Kate's right now, which is saving me a ton of money, which is helpful, but I don't want her out of school for too long so we need to figure something out with that.

Kenzi is finally a walker!!!  And she's so proud of herself. She was taking steps at 12 months but she's definitely walking a lot more now. She still walks on her knees and crawls quite a bit too. I see now why my family was so amused that I walked on my knees. She can really get to moving.

Averi had her first dance recital. It was really cute and she did well. She definitely likes her dance and gymnastics at this age. Planning on putting her back in gymnastics this winter and probably dance but have to find programs near the new house for everything.

We leave next week for Pennsylvania. I'm excited for Christmas but I feel like with Tam's wedding and moving still coming in January and February, getting ready for the holidays has almost been more stress rather than something enjoyable. Ave and I (one weekend with her daddy) have made some kind of Christmas cookies every weekend though. We're making peanut cup ones this weekend. They'll both be fun at Christmas this year though. Kenzi is such a happier one year old than she was a baby. And it's suppose to snow while we're there so I'm pretty excited about playing in the snow with my kids.  Here are a few pics of us getting ready for the holidays.

A fearful world for our children

This is not what I wanted to be writing about but as I sat there holding my squirming baby a little longer, I thought about all the parents that wouldn't get to hold their children anymore my heart started breaking all over again. As a teacher and especially as a parent, it is so hard to process something so unbelievably tragic as what happened at Newtown. We all wonder how this could happen, why it happens, what can we do to keep it from happening again? We want to blame guns or policy or whatever sound thing we can point a finger at, but at the end of the day after a rough day in a profession that exposes me to so many harsh realities of so many people's lives out there, the conclusion I came to was that there's so many broken people out there. Broken people that never got the help they should have that then choose to retailate against the world.

We all want schools or government to fix this and fix that when really we need to look within ourselves to fix the problems. Weapons don't kill people. People kill people. Love is the biggest gift of all, but it amazes me how many people feel unloved or go through life without anyone caring enough to notice their mental instability. Why is it so hard to give love? Why do we want to hurt one another? Why are we so broken that we can't love one another? That mothers and fathers don't love their children. I don't know the story behind this murderer but obviously he didn't feel any love or compassion in his heart. Why? I don't know. But I know what I've seen through a decade of working with America's youth. There are way too many children that go through life feeling unloved, unwanted, and when their mental health starts to deteriate no one cares enough to get them the help they need. What kind of adults do you think those children become? Some overcome this yes but some turn into the monsters we see in the news headlines.

This lack of love is what results in so many tragedies that occur in our society EVERYDAY in so many different ways. Know your family, know where they're at, know how they feel, talk about those feelings, help them, get them the resources they need, and for the love of God love them. Love is said to be the greatest gift of all and just as I believe in God, I believe in the power of love. Unconditional love. We need to rebuild a world of love not of hate.

This is a reaction to another tragedy in our society as well as a reflection to the sadness I see in my job and hear through others' similiar occupations in public servitude. I don't know the facts, I don't know his reasoning, but it just leaves me asking the question again of why is it easier for some to hate rather than love? Why is easier to hurt than mend? What creates that kind of mental state that we hate so much we want to bring pain upon another person?

Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself

Here's seven reasons why I know it's been a long, exhausting week.

1. Last night, I passed out on my bed before ten for once but was still in my work clothes. And I was still wearing them the next morning when I woke up!

2. Because I passed out when I wasn't exactly ready for bed yet, I took a shower in the morning for the first time ever because at this point everything starts running together and I fear it's been too long since my last one that I may scare my coworkers and friends away.

3. I had to wear a maternity shirt to work today because well, my clothes are either in that dirty pile by the door, buried somewhere in the  basket of clothes I folded days ago, or somewhere in the washer or dryer all the way down in the basement. And it was just too much work at six in the morning to see what was possibly clean.

4. I wore my glasses for the third day in a row because it just takes too much effort to put them in, and it seems like every other day I have them in the wrong eyes! Then I end up going through half the work day feeling crossed eye. At some point whether it s the morning when I'm still half asleep or the evening when my functioning capabilities are at about negative ten, I can't seem to tell my right from my left. Or it's that sneaky little elf on a shelf that everyone's buzzing about on facebook. Maybe he's trying to trick me and switches them at night.

5. The mess in my 31 year old self's bedroom would put my teenage self's bedroom to shame.

6. Because the thought of dragging two kids to the grocery store after 7 pm seemed like the most daunting task ever, my dog at cereal for dinner. Why cereal? Because one of my children thought they should dump the remaining amount in the bag ALL over the kitchen table. Including all those little tiny crumbles that are at the bottom of the Life cereal bag. So I solved two problems with one solution. I cleaned up the mess by sweeping it all onto the floor and bunching it together in a pile and let the dog have at it.

7. Went to grab lunch out of the fridge for work this morning and my options were two chicken strips in which one was half eaten or a piece of pizza which someone already took a bite out of! I mean really? At this point, my thinking was "what the hell!?!" My life is like the freaking twilight zone.


When I really stop and think about all the chaos that surrounds my life and think about all the demands that are coming from every which way with parenting, work, the house, buying a new house, and other family committments, I honestly don't think I have ever been as overwhelmed and at a loss as to how to handle it as I have been these last few months. But this will pass, as do all overwhelming, frustrating, stressful times. And yes, I'm sure I could get better organized, or do this or do that, but in the reality of harsh life realities this is really nothing. Life could be so much worse and I would take this stress any day over so many other worse situations. Then I remind myself how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am, and when I think back on those pile up of  things that occurred in the last twenty four hours and instead of crying about it all, I just had a good laugh at myself.

30 + days of thanks...

So the month of November has just about passed me by but that means we're closer to Christmas and winter break so I'm good with that. But I don't want to miss the 30 days of thanks even though we all know we're thankful twelve months, 365 days of the year, not just in November and Thanksgiving day. But it's a good time to really reflect on the people that really do make a positive influence on my life. I've never really thought of myself as a whiner or complainer but I've definitely been one of late. So for this post, it's going to be all about those wonderful things, primarily the people, in my life. So here we go....

1. I'm thankful for my boss, yes, that's right people, my first thanks is towards my boss. I don't really think of her like a boss most of the time. But more as the big sister I never had. The woman is a saint. She carries a lot on her shoulders personally, as well as all that crap that comes with our wonderful (staying positive remember) job. There have definitely been times with this rough school year that her encouraging words have gotten me through the day, the week, the next five minutes.

2. I'm thankful for my coworkers. First for the two front office secretaries for dealing with my grumpiness and going out of their way to bring a smile to my face to brighten my day. A former instructional assistant of mine who will still stop by to help me with paperwork. The English office department for just being fantastic. Whether it's work related or mommy related they are always a great source of information and encouragement.

3. I'm thankful for my fellow mommas (I'll mention a few individually in a moment) because sharing our experiences, advice, and insight can be so helpful sometimes. They're just a good listening ear.

4. I'm thankful for our Miss Kate. Even though she no longer watches Averi, we have continued to stay in touch with her the last year, and she will be watching Kenzi in the spring when we move, but she's someone else that I feel has become a substitute family member. She's like my surrogate mother. She adores my children, always willing to help us out in whatever way she can, and is always our cheerleader and in our corner with whatever latest fisco we're trying to tackle.

5. I'm thankful for Ms. Derry, Averi's preschool teacher. Averi adores her, and she is totally one of those people who was put on this Earth to teach small children. She has the "teaching"  gift, and I appreciate the wonderful relationship she has with my daughter.

6. I'm thankful for Ms. Sandy. She takes care of my littlest monster, Kenzi Grace, and has been such a huge help with this transition time between last year and until we get into our new house.

7. I'm thankful for our friend and previous nanny, Sarah, because I realize now having her at the house with the girls was a HUGE convience for me last year. She totally adores my girls and still loves to spend time with them. And she taught Ave a lot of stuff to get her ready for preschool this year as an added bonus.

8. I'm thankful for Lily,my goddaughter and Kenzi's BFF. Even though Kenz and her only get to spend every day together for these few short months at the beginning of the school year, they've become quite the little friends and I hope that friendship continues to grow as they do.

9. I'm thankful for my childhood best friend, Kristal. We've been friends for over twenty years now and even though we live different lives now half a country apart from one another, we still manage to see each other a few times a year and give our girls a chance to get to know one another.

10. I'm thankful for my two college besties, Amy and Amy. We all went to high school together but we all never really became friends until college. Now almost ten years later, we're all still close friends, and even though we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like we still manage to stay in touch and see each other every now and then.

11. I'm thankful for our friends, Dave and Jess. We're out here with no family, and even though you can't replace family, they have become like extra family. When we both stay in town for holidays, we spend them together and our kids have a ball together.

12. I'm thankful for our friends, Adam and Steph. They're always willing to help out with the girls or whatever, and Averi loves her "uncle" Adam.

13 I'm thankful for our friend, Jo Ellen. She's the girls' forever young, wild aunt that always comes bearing gifts from somewhere. She's always there to help when needed with the kids, the dog, or for celebration parties, and she's become a great addition to our family.

14. I'm thankful for my friends, Emily and Sarah. We don't only work together but we all gave birth within a span of eight months so we're great moral support for each other when it comes to motherhood with our particular job.

15. I'm thankful for facebook. Why, facebook? There are soooo many people I would have lost touch with, especially living so far from home, if it wasn't for facebook. There are other people I have reconnected with due to facebook. I love seeing the pictures and keeping up with everyone's lives. Maybe because I tend to have such great friends (that's all of you reading this), but I love seeing all the encouragement and positivity that we spread among each other through social networking.

16. I'm thankful for our health. It has been a rough year at times with my dad's heart condition, my sister is still trying to get her problem fixed, and I don't think they still know what's the matter with my mother in law. Honestly, facing a devasting health issue is probably very possibly my worst fear.

17. I'm thankful for my mother in law. Yes, for some of you that hide from yours, I rather like mine. She's always encouraging to us in whatever crazy endeavor we've decided to embark upon, and she's fun to hang out with and of course adores her grandchildren.

18. I'm thankful for my husband's grandmother. Even though she's 78 years old, there have been many times she's come down here, and even though we tell her not to get carried away with "helping us", just being here to play with the girls, watch them in the tub, or whatever, has always been such a HUGE help. And she reminds me of my own grandmother that passed away over a decade ago, and who doesn't love a sweet, loving grandma.

19. I'm thankful for my husband's family. They have always treated me like one of them, and I always look forward to my time up there.

20. I'm thankful for my cousin, Leslea. We have definitely had our love/hate moments as being only eight months apart, we spent our childhood together in everything from school to the ball field to even in adulthood, giving birth to our daughters in the same year. She's one of the few momma friends I have that actually has a few years of experience ahead of me, and she is always a great listener, advice giver, or just good for mothering support.


21. I'm thankful for all my cousins as we've shared many great memories and moments. I have a huge family and it's all these cousins that make it so great.


22. I'm thankful for my aunts and uncles. They have all done different, special things for me whether it was playing with my sisters and I all the time when were little like my Uncle Keith, or making me my own special strawberry pie like my Aunt Kenna, or still sending me birthday cards with graffiti things like my Aunt Barb, or making the trip south to see me like my Uncle Mike and Aunt Vicki, or teaching me to french braid like my other Aunt Barb.

23. I'm thankful for my Grandma and Grandpa Williams. We could always look up on the hill at whatever softball field we were at and more likely than not we'd find them up there, cheering us on from little league up to state playoff and championsips in softball.

24. I'm thankful for my Grandma and Grandpa Morgante. I didn't get to see them as much as I would have liked but they were there for their big moments in life, and I've always said I want to be them when I retire.
25. I'm thankful for my niece and nephew, Addison and Paxton. I love that my sister's kids are the same ages as mine. I wish they lived closer but even far away I love the relationship Averi and Addi have. They are the bestest of friends (when they're not fighting). And of course I love being an aunt.

26. I'm thankful for my niece and nephew Alaina and Dylan. They gave me my first experience as an aunt when I married their uncle. I have pretty much had the pleasure of watching Alaina growing up and am so proud of the beautiful young woman she's turning into, and love watching what great friends Averi and Dylan have become.

27. I'm thankful for my sisters, Kelly and Tammy. My sisters. These two really do mean the world to me. They're teh reason I wanted Averi to have a sister so much because the bond of sisters really is something incredibly special. They totally get me-the good and the bad. They'll encourage me and tell me how it is. I know I can always count on them. I miss them and wish I could see them more but feel so blessed to have grown up with them.

29. I'm thankful for my dad and mom. Wow, where do I start? My parents were the first to show me what a real marriage takes to succeed and to raise kids. They've always put family first and even though they give it to me how it is, I know if and when I need them, they're there.

30. I'm thankful for my husband. What a journey these nine years have been. Nine years ago this month we met, and it's been a ride ever since. He's always been the dreamer of the two of us, and even though I've always had to be the realist, I love that part of him. I couldn't have asked for a better father for my girls, and even though we've definitely had our ups and downs, I know together we'll find the things we hope for.

31. I'm thankful for my Averiella, my first baby girl. She was the start of the greatest journey ever. I absolutely adore her and she amazes me everyday. Time really does go incredibly fast when you're a parent, and I can't believe she'll be four here in a few months, but I am so proud of her. She brightens my day everyday.

32. I"m thankful for my Nakenzi Grace, my other ray of sunshine. If I thought Averi was a firecracker, then Kenzer is my grand finale of fireworks. The girl has been speaking her mind since before she could talk. She knows what she wants, how she wants it, and when she wants it. But as she progresses from infancy to toddlerhood, she's becoming quite the lovebug. I love to see the complete adoration her and Ave have for one another.

33. I'm thankful for our God. As you can see, I have many incredible blessings in my life. As someone who works with kids and people that have not been so fortunate, I wonder everyday why was I so lucky. I thank him everyday for these wonderful blessings. I am so so thankful for all these wonderful people in my life. There are many more I didn't directly mention on here but I pray God blesses them with good health and happiness with the coming New Year. God Bless!

A harsh reality America doesn t want to see

I am frustrated beyond belief right now. I have yet to make it through a full five work week without ending up in tears at some point. Luckily, due to the school calander, personal reasons, or weather events I haven't had too many full weeks. How I am going to make it through December until Christmas break, I do not know. I am so afraid I am mentally going to crack and for the first time I am giving in and called the doctor to see if there's any happy pills I can get to help me survive other people's children. I cannot take the rude, disrespect not only for myself but towards everyone. These kids (and by this I mean a smaller group but they're making huge impacts) have no respect for the teachers, for the building, for their own peers that do care about their education, and usually none for their own parents as well.  But you know it's public education, they have the right to an education. But that DOES NOT GIVE THEM the right to treat people like the scum at the bottom of their shoe. Society needs to decide that this is UNACCEPTABLE and will not be tolerated and make some drastic change.

Everyone from the students, parents, the policy makers, to the general public period keeps asking what are we doing to increase student achievement. What are WE doing? Someone needs to take a real deep look at what the STUDENTS are doing. Let me tell you what the ones that aren't passing assessments and being promoted to the next grade are doing. They're listening to music WHILE THE TEACHER IS INSTRUCTING, they're laying their heads on their desks, they're texting on their phone, they're talking to their buddy that is sometimes ACROSS THE ROOM, they're throwing paper balls at one another, they're shouting out random outbursts, they're cussing at one another, they're stopping the teacher's insruction to argue with him or her about why they have a zero (hmmm no work usually equals a zero!), about going to the bathroom, about how they supposedly weren't talking, about having their phone or ipod out. I am going to record every minute of my class time next week or maybe the week after to give an actual assessment of how much of my time is spent with handling misbehavior and class management rather than instructing. I think this is a reality people need to be aware of. I don't know for sure until I document it but I'm guessing almost half of my class period on a daily basis goes to behavior management rather than instructing. Then there are the poor kids that care about their education, that want to learn, that are paying a HUGE price because society has made it so administration's hands are tied. There are very few discipline measures they're allowed to used. Policies are concerned about suspensions and want kids in school. Who cares that 25 other kids' education is suffering because the kid who doesn't care about his is disruptive and disrespectful but we have to give him a public school education. Society needs to accept some people are just failures. Some times you have to cut your losses. And yes those are harsh words, but you can't force something a person doesn't want on them. And I want it very clear here that I am not talking about any particular class or group of people. I teach to an extremely diverse group of students, and one thing I have learned from them and dear friends and family is that no matter your race, your hardships, your income it all boils down to the individual. Some might say so you're giving up on the kid that s been abadoned by his family and suffered from abuse and this and that. Yes, because you can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself. I have worked with a bunch of kids that amaze and awe me because they have overcome horrendous situations and they push and push themselves to find success. And no they're not the brightest kid but they'll find success somewhere because they valued their education and they worked hard!

I know this is not meant to be a ranting place but as I listen to my fellow teachers and other mommy teachers, I know this is something that is affecting everyone's mental health, spirits, and for those of us that are mommas we're bringing this home with us. This frustration is taking us over and interfering with the time we have with our own children. When I say our sanity is at stake here I really don't believe I am exaggerating. I need to be in a more postive, less frustrated mental state for my own children, as well as the children who are there for their education. This goes beyond the classroom when I say we can't keep letting the majority of us in society pay the price for the minority that can't get it together for themselves.