There are just some things as a mother, especially those "kid" things that you didn't realize would quite annoy you so much until you had kids. So these are a few things on my Motherhood go to hell list.
1. That damn $5 pushing ball popper toy. I just want to chuck that damn thing out the window. It is the most annoying toys ever. It never fails when I’m trying to enjoy a peaceful moment one of my girls decides to push that thing around the house, going faster and faster, so the damn things pop faster and faster, creating more and more and more noise!
2. The “oh so real” animal toys. I’m sick of sitting in my office which is next to the playroom at the end of the night, finally enjoying the quiet of my kids in bed and then I hear “meow.” I don’t own a cat! That thing meowing at me out of the dark corner of the playroom creeps me the hell out. I have some kind of scary movie version of kid toys coming to life in the dark flashing in my mind as that stupid thing sits in the corner with it's "real" meow.
3. The books that having the singing buttons. It’s great and all but whenever my kids pick those books all they want to do is hit the damn singing button over and over and over again. What’s the point of me even reading the story. All they care about is the stupid noise button!
4. Calilou’s parents. There is no way any parent is that nice with a kid what whines as constantly as that one. Get real, Caliliou’s parents, because you make the rest of us feel like crap because if my kid was Calilou I think I’d shove him in the closest for hide and seek, “accidently” lock the door, and then forget to go find him.
5. Whoever created washable markers. Yes, it’s wonderful that they are washable, but that also convinces me to buy them at the store in the first place and then allow my kids to play with them in the second place. Even though they are for my four year old who can use them responsibly, every time I go to get my one year old out of the car on a long family road trip, she has colored herself. Last time she got a hold of a red marker and it looked like she tried to stab herself to death. But on second thought I guess that is better than the screaming she normally does in the back of the car. It's kind of a horrifying sight though to those that see us get her out of the car before we clean her up.