Friday, August 16, 2013

The Top 5 on my Motherhood Go to Hell List

There are just some things as a mother, especially those "kid" things that you didn't realize would quite annoy you so much until you had kids. So these are a few things on my Motherhood go to hell list.

1. That damn $5 pushing ball popper toy. I just want to chuck that damn thing out the window. It is the most annoying toys ever. It never fails when I’m trying to enjoy a peaceful moment one of my girls decides to push that thing around the house, going faster and faster, so the damn things pop faster and faster, creating more and more and more noise!

2. The “oh so real” animal toys. I’m sick of sitting in my office which is next to the playroom at the end of the night, finally enjoying the quiet of my kids in bed and then I hear “meow.” I don’t own a cat! That thing meowing at me out of the dark corner of the playroom creeps me the hell out. I have some kind of scary movie version of kid toys coming to life in the dark flashing in my mind as that stupid thing sits in the corner with it's "real" meow.

3. The books that having the singing buttons. It’s great and all but whenever my kids pick those books all they want to do is hit the damn singing button over and over and over again. What’s the point of me even reading the story. All they care about is the stupid noise button!

4. Calilou’s parents. There is no way any parent is that nice with a kid what whines as constantly as that one. Get real, Caliliou’s parents, because you make the rest of us feel like crap because if my kid was Calilou I think I’d shove him in the closest for hide and seek, “accidently” lock the door, and then forget to go find him.

5. Whoever created washable markers. Yes, it’s wonderful that they are washable, but that also convinces me to buy them at the store in the first place and then allow my kids to play with them in the second place. Even though they are for my four year old who can use them responsibly, every time I go to get my one year old out of the car on a long family road trip, she has colored herself. Last time she got a hold of a red marker and it looked like she tried to stab herself to death. But on second thought I guess that is better than the screaming she normally does in the back of the car.  It's kind of a horrifying sight though to those that see us get her out of the car before we clean her up.

If you like the Top 5 Mother Go to Hell List, you might also like the Top 5 Rules to Enforce after Cleaning. Readers, have a top 5 idea you’d like to see, email me @ What's on your Motherhood Go to Hell list?


  1. Too funny! And Calliou's parents... loved it. It was on in our house the other day and the mom was doing laundry. I don't know why, because they wear the same. clothes. every. episode.

  2. This is hilarious...most especially the number 4 and 5, because I can relate! :)

  3. Oh yes, those books with the noisy buttons! Good Lord, what I hate is when they leave it on the floor and they've just finally fallen asleep and you try to oh-so-quietly-to-creep out of their room and guess what... yes, you end up stepping on one of them and they wake up!

  4. I certainly can relate to #1. After only a few days of hearing that annoying popping sound, I soon decided this would be a toy fit for Gma's house! Thanks for linking up at My Favorite Posts Show Off Weekend Blog Party.

    Michelle @ On A Wing And A Prayer

  5. Definitely #3 and #5!! I have a pic of my youngest who got into the markers ( she chose navy blue) and it looked like she had tattoos up and down her arms for days!

    Shannon @ Mamamusing

  6. Ha! I have read so many blogs that syrupy-sweet about parenthood. I'm not a mom yet, but those blogs make me nervous, because I know myself better than to think I'll feel that way. Love hearing your fresh take!

    1. Thanks. I can be syrupy sweet about it one minute but then there's always the sticky reality. I call motherhood a bipolar experience.
      Thanks for visiting.

  7. I would add the real looking dolls to #2. Those things have always totally creeped me out.

    Anybody who gave noisy toys to my kids were remembered when it came to their kids birthdays and Christmas...... mwa ha ha ha ha

  8. How can the Wiggles be left off of this list?

  9. Great post - I laughed so hard while reading it! And I have to agree with Calliou. I don't let me kids watch that show. All the moms in our story time group at the library have talked about how bad and annoying that show is!

  10. Mine is for sure the talking baby dolls, those things creep me the hell out, and even when they aren't talking because I am convinced I am going to walk by them one night and they are going to say something that hasn't been programmed into them lol

  11. Hi!
    Its an Amazing and informative post.
    Thanks for the amazing post. Would love to read more from you. Keep up the good work

  12. HI!! I hoped on over here after you commented today on my blog....I can't even stop laughing out loud at this post. I mean seriously. You nailed it on every point! ESPECIALLY CAILOU!!!