Friday, December 14, 2012

Almost there

We are winding down closer to the break. Thank God. I know every year I say I don't think I have ever needed a vacation as desperately as I do this year,but I think that is really truly the case this year. Nate and I both are extremely exhausted and overwhelmed. He s in a class right now that meets every Saturday between Thanksgiving and Christmas, which also means he has to cram all the work into those four short weeks.

We're trying to get ready for the holidays, getting ready to move, have to get everything ready at work to turn around and be gone for a week after I go back in January for Tam's wedding, getting to the point where I need to do things for Tam's wedding.

And Averi I think is picking up on our overstessed, overwhelmed vibes or we're just really that impatient with her she's misbehaving a ton lately. She's even had four accidents in this four week stretch, and she hasn't had an accident since probably the summer sometime. Then on top of it all, her school was randomly shut down this Wednesday and we have not heard one thing from management on why or when it'll be back open. So she's back at Kate's right now, which is saving me a ton of money, which is helpful, but I don't want her out of school for too long so we need to figure something out with that.

Kenzi is finally a walker!!!  And she's so proud of herself. She was taking steps at 12 months but she's definitely walking a lot more now. She still walks on her knees and crawls quite a bit too. I see now why my family was so amused that I walked on my knees. She can really get to moving.

Averi had her first dance recital. It was really cute and she did well. She definitely likes her dance and gymnastics at this age. Planning on putting her back in gymnastics this winter and probably dance but have to find programs near the new house for everything.

We leave next week for Pennsylvania. I'm excited for Christmas but I feel like with Tam's wedding and moving still coming in January and February, getting ready for the holidays has almost been more stress rather than something enjoyable. Ave and I (one weekend with her daddy) have made some kind of Christmas cookies every weekend though. We're making peanut cup ones this weekend. They'll both be fun at Christmas this year though. Kenzi is such a happier one year old than she was a baby. And it's suppose to snow while we're there so I'm pretty excited about playing in the snow with my kids.  Here are a few pics of us getting ready for the holidays.

A fearful world for our children

This is not what I wanted to be writing about but as I sat there holding my squirming baby a little longer, I thought about all the parents that wouldn't get to hold their children anymore my heart started breaking all over again. As a teacher and especially as a parent, it is so hard to process something so unbelievably tragic as what happened at Newtown. We all wonder how this could happen, why it happens, what can we do to keep it from happening again? We want to blame guns or policy or whatever sound thing we can point a finger at, but at the end of the day after a rough day in a profession that exposes me to so many harsh realities of so many people's lives out there, the conclusion I came to was that there's so many broken people out there. Broken people that never got the help they should have that then choose to retailate against the world.

We all want schools or government to fix this and fix that when really we need to look within ourselves to fix the problems. Weapons don't kill people. People kill people. Love is the biggest gift of all, but it amazes me how many people feel unloved or go through life without anyone caring enough to notice their mental instability. Why is it so hard to give love? Why do we want to hurt one another? Why are we so broken that we can't love one another? That mothers and fathers don't love their children. I don't know the story behind this murderer but obviously he didn't feel any love or compassion in his heart. Why? I don't know. But I know what I've seen through a decade of working with America's youth. There are way too many children that go through life feeling unloved, unwanted, and when their mental health starts to deteriate no one cares enough to get them the help they need. What kind of adults do you think those children become? Some overcome this yes but some turn into the monsters we see in the news headlines.

This lack of love is what results in so many tragedies that occur in our society EVERYDAY in so many different ways. Know your family, know where they're at, know how they feel, talk about those feelings, help them, get them the resources they need, and for the love of God love them. Love is said to be the greatest gift of all and just as I believe in God, I believe in the power of love. Unconditional love. We need to rebuild a world of love not of hate.

This is a reaction to another tragedy in our society as well as a reflection to the sadness I see in my job and hear through others' similiar occupations in public servitude. I don't know the facts, I don't know his reasoning, but it just leaves me asking the question again of why is it easier for some to hate rather than love? Why is easier to hurt than mend? What creates that kind of mental state that we hate so much we want to bring pain upon another person?

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Sometimes you just have to laugh at yourself

Here's seven reasons why I know it's been a long, exhausting week.

1. Last night, I passed out on my bed before ten for once but was still in my work clothes. And I was still wearing them the next morning when I woke up!

2. Because I passed out when I wasn't exactly ready for bed yet, I took a shower in the morning for the first time ever because at this point everything starts running together and I fear it's been too long since my last one that I may scare my coworkers and friends away.

3. I had to wear a maternity shirt to work today because well, my clothes are either in that dirty pile by the door, buried somewhere in the  basket of clothes I folded days ago, or somewhere in the washer or dryer all the way down in the basement. And it was just too much work at six in the morning to see what was possibly clean.

4. I wore my glasses for the third day in a row because it just takes too much effort to put them in, and it seems like every other day I have them in the wrong eyes! Then I end up going through half the work day feeling crossed eye. At some point whether it s the morning when I'm still half asleep or the evening when my functioning capabilities are at about negative ten, I can't seem to tell my right from my left. Or it's that sneaky little elf on a shelf that everyone's buzzing about on facebook. Maybe he's trying to trick me and switches them at night.

5. The mess in my 31 year old self's bedroom would put my teenage self's bedroom to shame.

6. Because the thought of dragging two kids to the grocery store after 7 pm seemed like the most daunting task ever, my dog at cereal for dinner. Why cereal? Because one of my children thought they should dump the remaining amount in the bag ALL over the kitchen table. Including all those little tiny crumbles that are at the bottom of the Life cereal bag. So I solved two problems with one solution. I cleaned up the mess by sweeping it all onto the floor and bunching it together in a pile and let the dog have at it.

7. Went to grab lunch out of the fridge for work this morning and my options were two chicken strips in which one was half eaten or a piece of pizza which someone already took a bite out of! I mean really? At this point, my thinking was "what the hell!?!" My life is like the freaking twilight zone.

When I really stop and think about all the chaos that surrounds my life and think about all the demands that are coming from every which way with parenting, work, the house, buying a new house, and other family committments, I honestly don't think I have ever been as overwhelmed and at a loss as to how to handle it as I have been these last few months. But this will pass, as do all overwhelming, frustrating, stressful times. And yes, I'm sure I could get better organized, or do this or do that, but in the reality of harsh life realities this is really nothing. Life could be so much worse and I would take this stress any day over so many other worse situations. Then I remind myself how incredibly blessed and fortunate I am, and when I think back on those pile up of  things that occurred in the last twenty four hours and instead of crying about it all, I just had a good laugh at myself.