Thursday, August 14, 2014

Why the Mommy Wars will Never End

Some of us, myself included at times, cry out to end the mommy wars. But I don't really believe the mommy wars will ever end. Mommy wars is just a name to get our attention because Grown Women Wars just doesn't sound as clever. Because that's what it is. Sure, sometimes the debates are centered around women's roles as mothers, but I have two friends that are not even mothers that have had to deal with the criticism and judgment that comes from one woman to another. It's not just about mothers; it's about grown women. Grown women being mean girls is what it is.

Grown women or not, we're not much different at times than the adolescent girls we were because women still like to impose their beliefs, their ways, their thinking on others. Then when others don't do it like them or see things their way they want to criticize, judge, put down. To be honest, women are nasty, rude, mean, spiteful. These are some pretty negative stereotypes for our gender.

But I don't see this changing. There will always be some other woman out there criticizing us, judging us, putting us down. I'm not saying I'm innocent of this. I don't really know if any of us are. Just some of us quietly think it to ourselves but don't make a big deal out of it. But the thing that crosses my mind when it comes to all this criticizing is who gives a damn.

Why does it matter what I do? What you do? Is what I am doing, what she is doing, really hurting anyone?  More times than not no. There's a big difference between judging and saying something  to help someone who is a danger to themselves or others. Judging isn't usually about a problem with the person being judged but with the person doing the judging.

Fortunately for me and hopefully for you too, probably 98% of the women I've met and are a part of my life are supportive, not critical. But the other 2% are there and they're the reason the mommy wars will never end because they're too shallow to see past themselves and this seriously limits not only the growth in their relationships but in themselves.

Frankly, I feel sorry for women that are like that more times than they're not (again I think we're all a little guilty of passing judgment occasionally). I don't think it should be so hard to be nice and encouraging of one another. I've experienced both ends and let me tell you I would much rather be someone's cheerleader than their critic. I find a sense of happiness in that. There is no happy in putting down other people.

Just as they tell the bully victim in grade school, ladies, I think it's the same when we're grown. We put down another because of our own insecurities with ourselves. Don't be the bully. Be the cheerleader.



  1. Great honest share. Women can be very mean indeed to put it mildly that is why I personally only have a very small circle of females in my life and the rest are males.

  2. When two men have an issue with each other, they duke it out and it's over after that. Women/girls use their words to cut far deeper, creating wounds that last far longer than any black eye. It shouldn't be hard to grow up and stop this kind of behaviour but, for some, it is. As I've grown a bit older and wiser (I hope), I have learned to think twice before opening my mouth because words really can hurt.

  3. So true!
    Sometimes I wonder why the battles are so strong between women, why we can't just live and let live. But that insecurity, that is the reason.