Saturday, October 26, 2013

Disappointment verse Anger

I have about five posts I started this week but with each posts I realize I'm writing this week I feel that it's too much, it's too deep. There's things you just don't talk about on the internet.  One of my favorite bloggers recently wrote about how she wished her blog was anonymous so she wouldn't have to worry about hurting people's feelings or censor what she says or how she says things because of who might read it. People reminded her that it was her blog and she started writing for her. Same here. I write this for me, and I do love the interaction. I love when I can put the things that bother me and it not only helps someone because they realize they're not alone but it helps me because they usually offer reassuring feedback.

But my blog is not anonymous, and as I've written about a half a dozen posts on things bothering me lately I realize it all comes down to one thing. Disappointment. I've come to realize I'm disappointed in people I really care about and love, and I think coming to that realization just upset me more. I don't want to be disappointed in them; I don't want to feel like they let me down. I'm not going to talk about why I'm disappointed because that's between me and them. I also spent an hour talking to someone I really care about this past week and she too was upset about disappointment with her grown daughter. My heart was broken for her, and at that moment I was thinking of my own daughters.

They're little now and they're idea of disappointment now is that I told them no to eating candy for breakfast. I can handle that, but I am very self conscious of fostering a good relationship with them probably  because I see so many struggling family relationships. I told my friend that she should talk to her daughter about it; her daughter may not change but hopefully she'll feel better about talking to her daughter about how disappointed she was in her.

I've come to realize I use disappointment as an excuse to lash out and verbally attack someone. We're hurt so we feel the need to hurt back, right? But I think disappointment is such a rawer emotion than anger. Anger ignites and burns out quickly, but disappointment sits there in our souls and can eat away at us, causing resentment and ruining our relationships, if we don't recognize it and address it.

I feel that anger causes the other person to become defensive, but it's not until they realize that they've hurt us, that any type of relationship can move forward.

Do you often handle your disappointment with anger?

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1 comment:

  1. Great share. I appreciate your honesty. One thing I learned this year is when we lower our expectations on people and those we love in general, we learn to accept their short comings as we see them and that allows for room to not feel let down as much. Also when we change our perspective we heal ourselves.