Have you ever wanted two wanted two things at the same time that was impossible to have because you could only have one or the other? This is where I ve found myself lately. I love Maryland and how Nate and I have made it our home. I love that we take our girls camping in the mountains and to the beach every summer because it s less than three hours away. I love our friends out there. Our career lives have been built out there. We ve built a life out there.
But the shadow of doubt that hangs too close reminds me how they only get to see their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins two to three times if they re lucky a year. I think of all the ball games and kids events my parents will miss seeing. I think about how they re missing the opportunity to grow up with the kids of my closest childhood friends. I think how I wouldn't have to pick and choose which big life events I can make it back for.
I keep thinking as the kids get older it will be easier to say good bye. I don't remember it being this hard when I was out there for four years with no kids.
The anticipation of going home is always like reliving the anticipation of Christmas morning as a little kid. Being far from home I feel has given me such an appreciation for time and making it count. I always worry if I'm telling someone good bye for the last time, particularly my aging grandparents and I see my mother going through this now with her own mother that lives about 1000 miles away. But as much as some think just move back it s never that simple; just as it wasn't to leave in the first place. I ve always believed we choose the paths we choose for a reason so we shall see.
It is a tug of war of emotions that only those that are always say goodbye as they go from one family home to the next can understand. I read a quote recently by Hodding Carter that said "There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots and the other is wings." But because one is so deep I will always question how far and for how long should I go.
But the shadow of doubt that hangs too close reminds me how they only get to see their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins two to three times if they re lucky a year. I think of all the ball games and kids events my parents will miss seeing. I think about how they re missing the opportunity to grow up with the kids of my closest childhood friends. I think how I wouldn't have to pick and choose which big life events I can make it back for.
I keep thinking as the kids get older it will be easier to say good bye. I don't remember it being this hard when I was out there for four years with no kids.
The anticipation of going home is always like reliving the anticipation of Christmas morning as a little kid. Being far from home I feel has given me such an appreciation for time and making it count. I always worry if I'm telling someone good bye for the last time, particularly my aging grandparents and I see my mother going through this now with her own mother that lives about 1000 miles away. But as much as some think just move back it s never that simple; just as it wasn't to leave in the first place. I ve always believed we choose the paths we choose for a reason so we shall see.
It is a tug of war of emotions that only those that are always say goodbye as they go from one family home to the next can understand. I read a quote recently by Hodding Carter that said "There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots and the other is wings." But because one is so deep I will always question how far and for how long should I go.
My family lives 2500 miles away. I haven't been home in a very long time. I understand completely about not getting home often and worrying that my dad is missing events etc. I moved when I was 23 thinking I would go back after college. I didn't expect to meet my husband and move here :) I hope you have a great New Years and 2014!
ReplyDeleteWe live far from our families also; Its bittersweet. My grandfather-in-law used to say relatives are like fish; after 3 days they start to stink! We visit family for a few days a few times a year. We stay for a shot time and then go home. We have lived so far from our families for so long it would we weird to live close again. In the next year we will be moving 2 hours from my husbands family. It will be a change for all of us...
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!
Your children's strong sense of family will come from yours, regardless of the miles. Having said that, there is nothing like a grandparent.
ReplyDelete