Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Bittresweetness of the Last Child

Some days it felt like I would never get to experience this: the last of the firsts. And now here we are. Experiencing our last of the firsts with our last child. Now that I'm here living it, it really is bittersweet.

I will not miss the sleepless nights but I will miss those evenings rocking sweet babes in that rocking chair even at the times in the middle of the night while everyone else slept.

I've never been a huge infant fan due to the constant dependency but as I've watched the older ones grow I know there will be times I long for my babes to need me just a little bit more as they seek their independence.

I will not miss the burning of milk coming in or cracked nipples, but there's something sad about ending that breastfeeding experience for the final time to know I'll never experience that first mother/child bond again.

I already can't wait for the days when the house doesn't echo with the tension of a screaming infant but whereas now it's my comforting touch or voice that quiets those screams too soon those screams will be replaced with attitude and the "I hate you" or "you're ruining my life" cries and my touch or voice will be the last thing they want to hear in that moment.

As exhausting as it is to drag everything out of the house for a baby for a family trip even to something as simple as dinner, I know one day we'll hand the keys over to our last babe to drive us all to dinner.

As sad as I am to experience the joy of  those first year milestone one last time, I also know there's nothing more rewarding than watching each child grow in their personality  towards the adult they're all too soon going to be .

Some days are exhausting in these early days of the firsts of the last, but as I see that smile for the first time I know it will be the last time of experiencing such awe at something as simple as your baby smiling up at you. As much I may think I can't wait for the last  to be independent and self sufficient, I dread the day I'm not needed as mommy as much as he begins to conquer the world around him on his own and I watch and guide on the side. So the last of these first moments  are bittersweet. I'm a little sad that this phase of our life is coming to an end, but also so excited to see what lies ahead in the years to come as each of our children go from the sweet babes we know them as now to the adults they'll become.

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