If you don't know I have a control problem. Ask my husband. It can a very annoying, sometimes unhealthy thing. However, I am a continued work in progress on learning to let things go, that everything doesn't have to be done a certain particular way or maybe more specifically my way. I like to think I've gotten better with this over the last year or two.
However, my obsession with cleaning and organizing at times or my current obsession with getting everything in order at work asap is my way of feeling like I have control when things start to feel out of my control. As anyone knows life throws many curve balls at us that are out of our control.
Many times throughout this third baby experience I have thought how God or the powers that be (whatever you believe) are trying to teach me to let go of that need to feel like I need to control so much. I always have to plan EVERYTHING. Ask my family; they make fun of me for it.
So this has been a good test for me of realizing there's a bigger plan than my own at the moment, and I may have little control over it but to trust that it will all work out. First it was the struggle with not carrying a baby past the first trimester last year when we initially planned to expand our family so then it was getting past the first trimester with the third try this time around. Then it's been the unclear diagnosis of his heart tumor and having to wait 5-6 months to hopefully have a clear diagnosis and plan of treatment. Then it was the bacteria infection that started causing early labor at 30 weeks that even though an antibiotic got rid of the infection for now and stopped the early labor, we now have to plan to somehow make sure we're checked into the hospital four hours before delivery so I can be administered IV antibiotics so the infection isn't passed on to him. Now the latest out of my control development is he's currently breech. Which after everything else this should be a pretty minimal concern. There's still time for him to turn but of course we have to wait and see if he does. There's that waiting again that I'm suppose to be getting better at handling. However, I didn't have a C section with my other two and am really not fond of the idea (you're talking to the girl who still hasn't had her wisdom teeth pulled because surgical procedures and the possibly of being put out freaks me out).
So between the early labor concerns, the infection concern, the heart concern, and now the breech concern there's possibly little in my control as for when or how he comes. I know I need to patient and just keep my faith that even though things may not go according to "my plan" they will work themselves out and it will be a okay. In the meantime though I think I'll keep cleaning my house and prepping and preparing at work like a mad woman. Work in progress, remember??? And hopefully I'll have some kind of heads up warning before it's go time for his arrival so I can shave my legs. It takes a lot of effort to complete this task 8-9 months pregnant, but I'd like to at least feel like I have control when it comes to going into labor with shaved or not shaved legs but not sure I can do it every day from here on out in preparation!
However, my obsession with cleaning and organizing at times or my current obsession with getting everything in order at work asap is my way of feeling like I have control when things start to feel out of my control. As anyone knows life throws many curve balls at us that are out of our control.
Many times throughout this third baby experience I have thought how God or the powers that be (whatever you believe) are trying to teach me to let go of that need to feel like I need to control so much. I always have to plan EVERYTHING. Ask my family; they make fun of me for it.
So this has been a good test for me of realizing there's a bigger plan than my own at the moment, and I may have little control over it but to trust that it will all work out. First it was the struggle with not carrying a baby past the first trimester last year when we initially planned to expand our family so then it was getting past the first trimester with the third try this time around. Then it's been the unclear diagnosis of his heart tumor and having to wait 5-6 months to hopefully have a clear diagnosis and plan of treatment. Then it was the bacteria infection that started causing early labor at 30 weeks that even though an antibiotic got rid of the infection for now and stopped the early labor, we now have to plan to somehow make sure we're checked into the hospital four hours before delivery so I can be administered IV antibiotics so the infection isn't passed on to him. Now the latest out of my control development is he's currently breech. Which after everything else this should be a pretty minimal concern. There's still time for him to turn but of course we have to wait and see if he does. There's that waiting again that I'm suppose to be getting better at handling. However, I didn't have a C section with my other two and am really not fond of the idea (you're talking to the girl who still hasn't had her wisdom teeth pulled because surgical procedures and the possibly of being put out freaks me out).
So between the early labor concerns, the infection concern, the heart concern, and now the breech concern there's possibly little in my control as for when or how he comes. I know I need to patient and just keep my faith that even though things may not go according to "my plan" they will work themselves out and it will be a okay. In the meantime though I think I'll keep cleaning my house and prepping and preparing at work like a mad woman. Work in progress, remember??? And hopefully I'll have some kind of heads up warning before it's go time for his arrival so I can shave my legs. It takes a lot of effort to complete this task 8-9 months pregnant, but I'd like to at least feel like I have control when it comes to going into labor with shaved or not shaved legs but not sure I can do it every day from here on out in preparation!
Thank you for sending me the link to your experience! Crazily enough, this is so similar to how the Lord taught me to fully trust him. After miscarrying, my son had several diagnosis in utero, from Down Syndrome, to Renal Hydronephrosos (which he does still have). He was also breech up until I was 39 weeks and my doctor was able to do an inversion so I could have another natural labor! Feel free to message me if you have any question about that. It was crazy how God worked everything out, even though so much seemed to be going wrong. Praying for you and your little guy as you learn to fully trust the Lord with him! *hugs*
ReplyDelete