Thursday, April 30, 2015

May is Here

Tomorrow is May, which always represents the end of another school year to me even though technically out here on the East Coast we don't finish up until June. Each May always leaves me with different feelings. Some years represented the closing of doors with big changes coming from the end of one school year to the next. Sometimes I've had years where it seemed like I had waited years for the months to pass to get to May and other years it seemed like Sept had just passed. I've had years where I couldn't hardly take one more day with some classes, and others where I was sad to see the year end because I would really miss some of the students.

 I love May for a lot of reasons. I love the feeling of completing something, and as teachers you begin work in August but the "project" never feels completed until June. I love the weather. The warmer weather, the late sunsets, the sound of kids out playing in the yard, the sound of the peepers after dark.  I love the anticipation of the upcoming summer vacation I think more than the actual summer vacation sometimes. I love the constant go go of fun that becomes our life at this time of year with fires with friends, drive in movies, concerts, ball games, festivals and carnivals, outdoor walks and picnics, trips, and everything else that comes up.


But this May has a slightly different feeling. This May is the end of the first school year as a parent. Our kindergartener only has seven weeks of kindergarten left and then she will be a first grader! Wow, seems crazy to me that just six years ago she was this tiny infant of only two months. She's a whiz at math, even though when we jokingly asked her tonight what she was doing 20 years ago she said she was a baby. She loves Math more so than reading, but she is reading. Her last two report cards have been solid Os for outstanding or in older terms As. Even though she's started to test the limits with us this past year at times she is an exceptionally well behaved respectful child at school and to others. I think as parents it's hard to judge our own parenting. Some days we either think we're doing great or we're highly critical of our parenting abilities, but getting feedback from teachers is at least reassuring that we maybe know a little bit about what we're doing. Even the media teacher made sure to tell us even though Averi owed $20 to the school for the dog chewing up her book, she was "wonderful child to have in class".  She's always been an incredibly self sufficient smart mature child but it's been really neat to see her come into own this past year.

In our household May has always been like what December is to most people, and as I look back at this past year I feel incredibly blessed and hopeful. It was like the year so much of what we've spent ten years working for finally came to fruition. I made a change to a new school and even though it was a tentative one year contract split between two schools it lead to getting a full time position that I am really exciting about for next school year. Even though Nate finished his masters for school leadership last May it will be next school year that he's moving into a more leadership position. It's not quite the administration one he's hoping for eventually, but it's a move in the right direction. We made it through our first transition between rental tenants on our rental house and two years later are still keeping that ship afloat. We'll keep riding it until it sinks or we sail off into the sunset on it (it's paid off the same year we retire so crossing our fingers on it being a positive investment for our retirement years). Two years later I think we've finally recovered from the financial set back of making the move out of the city.

I found balance and contentment. Something that I didn't know was so vital to my sanity. I wrote once in regards to an article about if the modern woman/mom of today could "Have it All", and for awhile there I was on the side that said sure but not at the same time. This past year lead me to believe that maybe you can have it all at the same time. The career you enjoy, afternoons through evenings and weekends with your kids, time for friends, time for yourself with exercising and hobbies, and a marriage that isn't strained with the stress of everything.

This year gave me hope that what I've envisioned so long ago can be a reality. It still needs work. I'd like to work on building up a savings that isn't exhausted every summer, I'd like to be a little more consistent with working out (I kind of slacked for a few months in the winter Nov-Mar), as always I'd like to work on my marriage because it's very easy as two very independent people that are more than comfortable doing our own thing and as parents to just let time slip by without really connecting with each other, now that I have a passion for teaching again that I thought I'd lost two years ago I hope to continue to learn and improve on the art of teaching and become a better teacher, and now that Averi is old enough to kindly point out my shortcomings (gotta love kids' honesty) I'd like to work on being a better mom.

Even though this year could have easily been looked at as a rough year with two miscarriages, I have faith that God just has a different plan than me. I choose to see the blessings that have come in this year. He gave me back something that I really needed. He gave me back myself; gave me back my confidence. Maybe sometimes we have to struggle and feel letdown to really appreciate the blessings that are about to come.  I think that was the case with the struggle of getting to this point and with the struggle we've had with expanding our family this past year. I saw this quote the other day, "If you saw the blessing that is coming, you would understand the battle you are fighting." Faith and love is what makes this life of ours complete.




 
 
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Wednesday, April 29, 2015

The Tale of Two Americas

As the media and social media have blown up with coverage and thoughts of the riots in Baltimore Monday attention is starting to be drawn to the Tale of Two Cities. But I don't think it's just a story of Two Cities but two Americas.

We all want to chant American pride and patriotism, and I am proud to be an American. I believe in what America stands for. I have friends in the military; friends that serve our communities as police officers, firefighters, and nurses; and friends like myself that have chosen to serve our country in the classroom by preparing our youth to give us a brighter, hopefully more peaceful tomorrow. But unfortunately what I think America stands for is sometimes the complete opposite of the "patriot" across from me.

We (as in my fellow teachers and public servants) serve the white, the black, the generational American, the immigrant American, the rich, the middle class, the poor, the heterosexual, the homosexual. We serve humanity. That is what we do. That is what being an American is to me.

I can't hardly take the derogatory comments about immigrants, blacks, homosexuals, and poor people anymore. America was never meant to be a place for the "chosen" people. Before anyone sits there on their high horse and pass judgment with their conservative views I challenge them to pick up a book like Savage Inequalities or The Other Wes Moore and so many others that show the struggle of the less fortunate or join the forces of police officers, teachers, nurses, and other public servants, or take part in a community program that's trying to make a difference in the lives of those less fortunate and really go out there and experience ALL of America. Walk through and emerge yourself even if just for the day in one of this less privilege areas of our country. See the America people don't want to see.  There is another America where opportunity does not live. Don't isolate yourself from it and don't isolate them from the opportunities and resources they so desperately need.

America is a beautiful, amazing place from the small towns to the big cities. It's rich in history about perseverance and diverse cultures. But America is hurting, and maybe it seems like the current concerns are about the issue of white and black. But I think it's more so about the issue of poverty and wealth; about power and oppression; about education and ignorance; about acceptance and rejection; about hope and lost hope. Stop pointing fingers and casting blame. There does need to be change; I don't think anyone can really argue that. So the bigger question is what are we each going to do to help facilitate that change?

Every generation has seen war. We go to war in other countries for the sake of all of humanity; to eliminate the wrongs and make things right. You don't have to go to war with guns a blazing to fight the war of today. The struggle is right here in our streets, in our neighborhoods, in our schools, in our rural areas. It's in our poor, under served city neighborhoods and rural communties, it's in the flocks of immigrants that flee their countries in fear of violence and disease for a better opportunity in our education systems, it's in the misguided youth that feel unaccepted and full of lost hope that just need someone to believe in them and give them a little direction.

There will always be those that don't want to help themselves; those that work against the progress that everyone else is trying to achieve. But just as we as teachers fight the 5% that make our jobs impossibly hard to reach the other 95% that want the education we can give them so do all those other public servants out there. They go out there in the streets, the hospitals, the communities and take the sometimes physical, emotional, and mental abuse because in the end we can save the future of more than the ones we can't. For every bad apple out there doing the wrong thing there are dozen of others doing the right thing and wanting to make the most of the resources provided to them to do better for themselves.

To me being American is helping your fellow man. America is about opportunity, hope, and freedom for all of humanity.  Don't keep them down with your judgments and biased views. Be a part of the solution; not the problem.
                                                       
                                                             The War on Poverty in America
 
 
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Monday, April 27, 2015

Protest and Riots in Baltimore



As I am watching rioters and gangs destroy their own neighborhoods and make the city I've come to love look similar to a war zone, I can't keep my anger and thoughts to myself any longer.

This is just fueling the problem; not helping move towards any kind of positive change. This is just feeding into the negative, violent image of African Americans. There is a negative stereotype about African American men in our society that does make them a target, and it is unfair. But it's unfair to the good, honest, hard working African American men, not the ones that are committing crimes and disobeying laws and authority. I look at and think about some of the great African American boys my husband and I, as well as our current and former coworkers,  have taught here in and around Baltimore in the last ten years, and I keep thinking of them because I'm sure their emotions are running high. I know some of them feel targeted due to the recent national events with police and the African American community. Events like what is happening in Baltimore City with these riots just take away from the movement for change and justice. These violent African American teens have hurt their own cause and in return continue to build the negative image that the good honest kids myself and others have had the privilege of working with and teaching will continue to have to overcome.

 As one of my former students pointed out in response to this how come they "protest" this but when her good friend was murdered by gangs it goes unnoticed and no one is protesting that violence or injustice.  No one will even come forward to get her friend justice because of the "no stitching" code. Instead Freddie Gray's death is being used as an excuse for continued violent behavior.

I'm tired of the cries that these men killed in police custody were "innocent". I understand their deaths may have been uncalled for, but if you're going to commit crimes and then run from the police and  defy authority you better be prepared for the consequences that occur. Police officers are not unemotional robots. As a public servant myself, I can only imagine the abuse police officers face. When someone that yes is suppose to be the bigger in control person, finally snaps in the face of constant disrespect and sometimes violent behavior you can't completely make them out to be the bad guy. I know two wrongs don't make a right, but quit making the inaccurate claim that these men were "innocent". The response we often get from others is a reaction to our actions, not necessarily our race.

Change does need to happen. There do need to be some serious conversations. But change has to start within ourselves. We have to be the positive change we hope to see in the world. Represent the perception you want society to have of your culture. Encourage others to be a positive example of what you want society to perceive of your race and culture. .

Friday, April 24, 2015

The Degrees I Didn't Know I Needed for the 21st Century Mom Competition

Social Media and the hype surrounding it sometimes amuses me. I have no hope of competing in some of the mommy war races so I tend to rather amuse myself with my own shortcomings rather than getting my panties all in a bunch about what other moms are doing to supposedly "one up" the rest of us. So here is a list of things I didn't realize I needed a degree in to compete  in today's 21st Century Mom Competition.

A Degree in Pinterest Crafting: I do not have a crafty bone in my body. This was proven once again when I had to help create a team banner for Ave's opening parade for little league.

A Degree in Party Planning: Hello, wal mart party aisle. I guess that's not cool anymore for today's mom.

A Degree in baking: My baking expertise with the girls begins and ends with Nestle chocolate chip cookies. Every now and then we expand our horizons with some brownie or cake batter. Other than that there is no fancy cake decorating or pie making happening over here.

A Degree in Style and Pampering: I have never been a girly girl (I do wear dresses now though) but I didn't know I'd have to clean myself up for public appearances (aka social media pictures) with fashionable clothes like "skinny" jeans and tall boots (which I do own and wear) and fix my hair, which I have yet after 33 years figured out how to tame into something beside an unruly mess (which my husband told me the other day I should do something with because it made me look like a tired, out of sorts mom). Then how to dress a child in style and fashion is a whole new degree certificate or something on top of the one in personal style and fashion.

A Degree in Pinterest Period: Or wait is that where I should go to get this 21st Century Mom Degree in the first place?

Or how about a degree in embracing and being happy with just ourselves.

                                                    Let's just go for a Mom Degree in Silly
 
 
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Do you have your copy of my book,  Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas ?  Check it out if you haven't. It's examines the perceptions and expectations of motherhood in the 21st Century with humor and inspiration.  You can also read the latest review on it and follow the ebook links here.
 
 
 

Wednesday, April 22, 2015

Wait! I only have 12 More Years to get this Right?

Several friends and I are closing in on our first year of kindergarten as parents in the next month or so. With that we recently just celebrated six year old birthdays too in which I said we were 1/3 of the way to raising them to adulthood.. However, while I was doing division my friend was doing subtraction and informed me that in just 12 short years our girls (we all three have girls) will be 18 and seniors in high school. WHOA!

Putting it like that stopped me. Twelve years is such a short amount of time! I start my twelfth year of teaching next Fall. Sometimes those first few years seem like yesterday, and so much of all of it just seems like a blur in time looking back. Is that what these next twelve years are going to feel like?

On top of that, you're telling me I only have twelve years to figure out how to make this little six year old girl a self sufficient, responsible, successful adult. That's a lot of pressure!

These first six have been a lot of trial and error as it is. So far we've managed to get her head caught in a lazy Susan with the possibility of having to call the fire department to extract her, sent her down a snowy embankment to the emergency room, sent her through 21 days of intense antibiotic treatments for lyme's disease from the exposure from all the outdoor play we enjoy, gave her the opportunity to prove that she's not Tinkerbell when she tried to fly, and God knows the list of other mishaps and mistakes we've made along the way. That's not even counting blunders like the time she convinced her dad it was okay to have pie for breakfast.


Then one thing or one person is telling us to not be so hard on her, but another is telling me I baby her too much. One thing stresses the importance of involvement, activities, and structured education; while the other says more play and less structured work. One says make them work harder for the things they want; the other says it's our time to take care of them now they'll have their whole life later to work. One says be present for everything; the other says being present for everything is being a helicopter parent. One says be engaged with your kids with daily activities; the other says we shouldn't "entertain" our kids. AHHHH! How are we suppose to do know what to? Which is the right way to parent? What if I listen to the wrong advice, follow the wrong parenting model or formula? So much pressure!!!!!!


WAIT. I'm a well educated, self sufficient, independent, successful adult. As are my two friends and so many other parents out there. Yes, I am imperfect, flawed, and going to make many more mistakes besides not hovering over her every second to catch her when she decided to try to fly like Tinkerbell. She is also imperfect, with this thing called a mind of her own, and I'm sure sticking her head in the lazy Susan is not going to be the last bad decision she makes. No matter what the latest article on the internet says, there is no magic formula to raising kids. There are way too many variables to make it an exact science.


At times I'm a little intimidated and anxious about the school age, tween, and teenage years to come. I have exactly no experience for the job I'm about to embark on these next twelve years. Just as confident as I am that we'll make mistakes, I also think we'll figure it out. We don't have to create the perfect parenting formula or kid. Even with our and their flaws, our goal is to help them reach their own potential to succeed in our imperfect world. I think we got this, ladies (and gentlemen). Don't worry so much what the internet says and just trust yourself in the end to know what's right.




 Our parents before us figured it out without the internet's constant contradicting advice; I'm pretty sure we can too. (We're just raising kids in the cyber age which our parents didn't do so I guess it's a little different ball game but that's for a whole other post).


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