Several of my friends lately that are pursuing new things or pushing even further with the things they've decided to strive for have made post recently about "the haters" hating on them as they work towards their personal goals. Oh, the haters. They are there. Always lurking in the shadows, wanting to shoot down your goals and ambitions, your lifestyle, your choices. They want to criticize, and they try to make you doubt yourself. They don't want you to succeed or to be happy.
I've had many haters in my life. Most of them have been good friends or even family, but here's the thing. I love the hater. The hater pushes and motivates me even more because I get some smug satisfaction out of proving them wrong. I've had haters my whole life. Maybe all of us do in some ways. Just as an adult they were there when I wanted to move East, they are there when it comes to the way we live our family life with our love for wanting to travel and go, they were there when we wanted to keep our first home as an investment property and rent it, they were there when it came to wanting a new job, they are there when it comes to my writing, they've even been there when I said I wanted a big dog. It's always you can't do that, it's too much, that's not going to work for you.
If it's something I care about or really want the more someone tells me not to do something the more I want to do it. The key word here is I have to care. Some people will hate on you trying to convince you to care more about something they want you to care about, but if I don't care I usually just roll my eyes and go on my merry way. Guess my adolescent self is still there inside me.
I've even been a hater myself. I'm not going to lie, but I also make myself stop to think why I'm hating. Sometimes with some people I'm just very opinionated but when I'm hating - when any of us are hating- it's because we're jealous or envious, and it's often a result of our own insecurities. Here's what I tell myself- admit at least to myself I'm jealous (which is pretty much every time someone gets to visit a place that I haven't been to yet) and move on from it (it's on the list but I can't get to everywhere I want to go at once so just be patient and wait my turn). If it's because it makes me feel insecure I need to decide how important it is to me. If it really matters to me then turn that hate to inspiration and do something about it. When it's not really that important then walk away from it, just forget about it.
So to the one with the haters just keep doing what you're doing. Use them as motivation and think of how good it will feel to prove them wrong. When or if you're the hater ask yourself why. If it's because you're insecure about something about yourself and it really bothers you do something about it. If it's because you're jealous because honestly sometimes we are especially if it's something outside of our control that's okay too. Just admit it to yourself at least, don't let it build resentment in your relationship with that person, and always follow it with a thought about yourself that makes you feel good about the individual you are.
But if you're constantly tearing down someone for everything they do then do both of you a favor and just walk away from the relationship. It turns into a very fake tolerant relationship. If you're spending so much time trying to tear down someone else's happiness maybe you better refocus your energy to building up your own.
My book, Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas, for mothers of any age (suggested by an older reader's feedback) focuses on women today accepting who they are. It examines how our 21st century digital world shapes our perceptions and expectations of our capabilities as mothers, wives, employers, and women. It will leave you with a humorous and inspirational look at the individual journey of motherhood that takes each of us from the girl we were to the woman we become. The book is also now available on the Amazon kindle for $3.99 and the Barnes and Noble Nook for $4.99. Use the coupon code HAMMOCK14 for 20% off the print copy now through Thursday, July 24.
I've had many haters in my life. Most of them have been good friends or even family, but here's the thing. I love the hater. The hater pushes and motivates me even more because I get some smug satisfaction out of proving them wrong. I've had haters my whole life. Maybe all of us do in some ways. Just as an adult they were there when I wanted to move East, they are there when it comes to the way we live our family life with our love for wanting to travel and go, they were there when we wanted to keep our first home as an investment property and rent it, they were there when it came to wanting a new job, they are there when it comes to my writing, they've even been there when I said I wanted a big dog. It's always you can't do that, it's too much, that's not going to work for you.
If it's something I care about or really want the more someone tells me not to do something the more I want to do it. The key word here is I have to care. Some people will hate on you trying to convince you to care more about something they want you to care about, but if I don't care I usually just roll my eyes and go on my merry way. Guess my adolescent self is still there inside me.
I've even been a hater myself. I'm not going to lie, but I also make myself stop to think why I'm hating. Sometimes with some people I'm just very opinionated but when I'm hating - when any of us are hating- it's because we're jealous or envious, and it's often a result of our own insecurities. Here's what I tell myself- admit at least to myself I'm jealous (which is pretty much every time someone gets to visit a place that I haven't been to yet) and move on from it (it's on the list but I can't get to everywhere I want to go at once so just be patient and wait my turn). If it's because it makes me feel insecure I need to decide how important it is to me. If it really matters to me then turn that hate to inspiration and do something about it. When it's not really that important then walk away from it, just forget about it.
So to the one with the haters just keep doing what you're doing. Use them as motivation and think of how good it will feel to prove them wrong. When or if you're the hater ask yourself why. If it's because you're insecure about something about yourself and it really bothers you do something about it. If it's because you're jealous because honestly sometimes we are especially if it's something outside of our control that's okay too. Just admit it to yourself at least, don't let it build resentment in your relationship with that person, and always follow it with a thought about yourself that makes you feel good about the individual you are.
But if you're constantly tearing down someone for everything they do then do both of you a favor and just walk away from the relationship. It turns into a very fake tolerant relationship. If you're spending so much time trying to tear down someone else's happiness maybe you better refocus your energy to building up your own.
My book, Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas, for mothers of any age (suggested by an older reader's feedback) focuses on women today accepting who they are. It examines how our 21st century digital world shapes our perceptions and expectations of our capabilities as mothers, wives, employers, and women. It will leave you with a humorous and inspirational look at the individual journey of motherhood that takes each of us from the girl we were to the woman we become. The book is also now available on the Amazon kindle for $3.99 and the Barnes and Noble Nook for $4.99. Use the coupon code HAMMOCK14 for 20% off the print copy now through Thursday, July 24.
Angela, great post! You're so right, let those haters motivate you! Keep doing what you're doing. Live your life, stay positive and make things happen! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post... I too love he haters... if im feeling unmotivated, I just think I cant prove them right.... and carry right on :-) #shineBlogHop
ReplyDeleteWonderful perspective! For the longest time, I've been a people pleaser... this doesn't bode well for dealing with the "haters". I end up trying to please (at my own dismay/loss).
ReplyDeleteEncouraging post! Thanks for sharing (and for linking up to the SHINEbloghop).
Wishing you a lovely weekend.
xoxo
What a good mentality to have… don't let them get you down! :)
ReplyDelete