Thursday, June 11, 2015

Chaos and Curse Words

My dad has this saying, "They'll get happy on the same foot they got mad on." Let's hope that's the case because I think I'm trying to set a weekly record for how many people I can piss off this week. I am one person here and it's one of those weeks where I feel like everybody wants something from me and
the pile up of shit just keeps keeps getting taller even though I'm going nonstop from the time I get up until I fall until bed at the end of the day. At this point I just want to stomp my feet like a spoiled child who isn't getting her way.

I was excited about the opportunity to experience two schools this year, but I am so over that opportunity now. I can't hardly take the two days I have left at the one. Between being split between those two schools and my part time work at the college with one department in the Fall and one in the summer, over the course of the year I have worked for four departments and four bosses. It's hard enough to keep one boss happy. Not really sure what I was thinking when I thought I could handle four. I am not an ass kisser; it's really not part of my skill set. I have never denied being a selfish person or putting myself first. I've seen too many people in too many professions get burned no matter how much they bend over backwards to please other people. So again people pleaser is not exactly a skill listed on my resume.

Anyway I took off yesterday to attend my oldest daugther's kindergarten author celebration, and I had left my students questions with the movie Gatsby. I guess at that school we were told that wasn't a structured enough lesson for the end of the year; I got the okay from my other school to show it. Plus, other teachers now have to cover if we take the day off. Again, sorry but I think the senior teachers that finished teaching three weeks ago will be okay to cover my classes so I can attend my daughter's kindergarten event. It's really not my problem if the school decided not to hire subs anymore. They'll just have to be pissed; they'll get over it. My kindergarten however would have been heartbroken to have no one there to share her work with like the other kids.

Now onto the second person I pissed off this week. I was hired this summer to help write curriculum, which I am excited about being a part of, so I had to back out of the classes I was assigned to teach at the camp I've taught at the last two summers. Now I felt very bad about this. I even tried to find her replacement teachers for classes, and volunteered to meet with them on my own time to share my materials and plans for the class. The classes are never a guarantee though, and this curriculum opportunity was more reliable, paid better money, and is a great professional growth opportunity. Again, looking out for number one first so I did what I thought was best for me.

Now this is on top of the snarky email replies I've sent to parents on my ass this week about their students needing chance after chance to submit late work. Work for the most part has been great this year but this last month has been overwhelming with these new assessments. I still have five sets of final exam essays to grade in the next week, and then because I wanted to do this curriculum thing I had to complete this time consuming online course the month of May so I was doing that at times when I should have been grading so I really have no patience for giving the same old kids and their parents umpteen million chances to get their work finished.

Then there's my personal life. Where should I start with the chaos of that? With the home projects of finally finishing the minor kitchen remodel with my dishwasher and the bathroom drywall repair that was interrupted with a flooded basement that is now minus its carpet, baseboards, and part of its walls. Or the renter that calls for a repair every other week? Or that we always volunteer for too many damn things with little league and reunion planning? Or that somewhere I needed to find time to get one pet fixed and the other her shots? Or as a first time school age parents that there are a gazillion end of the year school events? Oh, and on top of that my damn trunk on my car will not open so right now I have to squeeze my kids in the backseat with the big ball bag of tball equipment. It will probably be July before I get that in the shop.  Let's not forget the latest news which is that I'm losing my hearing and need to go see an ENT to hopefully see if surgery can restore it or if hearing aids (at 33) can help me.

So obviously I'm a little flustered this week. Not sure what irritates me the most at the moment: work, the damn basement, or another health issue to sort out and get fixed.

On a plus side though, a couple times when I could feel myself getting to my anxious, ticking time bomb self I have gotten much better of realizing I just need to leave it all for a bit so I'd go outside or leave the house altogether. Three nights this week I'd be outside with the girls throwing hitting practice to the girls or kicking a soccer ball. At the end of the one night my oldest  looked at me and said, "I needed that too, Mom." I need to just take her advice and get away from my stresses and just go have fun so my plan tomorrow is to take them to the community pool for the last day of school town pool party. I guess it's quite the community end of the school year event.

If there's anything I've learned by now it's that these moments will pass. They're only temporary. It will all be better soon.

                                    At our daughter's end of the year kindergarten celebration


  1. Oh my god, Angela, I'm exhausted just reading this! You're a stronger woman than I am because I'm sure that I would have collapsed by now in your shoes. Please remember to stop and take that breath of fresh air now and then - maybe even two or three breaths. :)

    1. I know it's just a moment and it will pass. I try to remind myself to just step and breathe some but sometimes I just need to vent it out for a moment (it really does help. LOL), regroup, and tackle getting it done. Thanks for reading.

  2. so true... this too shall pass. and yes, we've all been there! rants and all!

    1. And they do pass thank God. And it's helpful to just vent it out sometime. Thanks for reading!