Monday, April 25, 2016

Life with A Newborn

I am sleep deprived with probably no more than three hours of uninterrupted sleep in the past two weeks, my boobs fluctuate between painful latching by my baby piranha or feeling like they're going to explode from constantly filling with milk from my baby piranha that has to eat constantly, I'm still a good 20 lbs overweight and away from my goal I set way back two years ago when I set out to lose the 35 lbs I gained from my thyroid/depression state of three years ago, I have stretch marks that have permanently branded me as a mother of three, but yet even though the dark circles under my eyes, unfixed hair, extra weight and marks might shout that I've been through the wringer of motherhood I can honestly say I am possibly the happiest I've been in a long time.

I went from a year or so of moody depression to the year and a half of struggles and fears of getting baby Linc here with us that now all these little annoyances seem like nothing. When you get something you begin to fear you won't get to experience it alters your perception some. Not only that but as I said in a post before I'm a veteran different mom now. I know this will all pass in a blink. I know the sleepless nights, the aching breasts, the demanding infant completely dependent on us for everything phase will be over before we know it. Before long it will just be a distant memory.

I'm also a mom that has again what one of the young inspirational moms I follow (one of the two rockstar little girls I use to babysit when I was a teenager) calls momfidence. I definitely lost it there for awhile, but now I know that I can handle the balancing act that is ahead when I return to work, the balancing act of fitting in time for myself to maybe lose that last 20 lbs when I'm ready and to just give myself that mental break when I need it without feeling that awful mommy guilt. Motherhood is a neverending journey of learning, growing, and changing, so no, I don't have it all figured out, but I do have enough confidence to know that I somewhat know what I'm doing, that I'm raising well loved lovable, kind kids, and that I got this with the joys and the struggles that tend to coexist in the journey of motherhood.

The circles under the eyes from lack of sleep,  the sometimes rough appearance, the little extra weight doesn't own and define motherhood for me. I own and define what motherhood is in my life.  I've waited a long time for this moment-to meet and have my three babies here with me, to live this vision of my own love story complete with this family of my own since I was a little girl. We can easily drown in the challenges of motherhood and raising a family, but whether it's the little struggles like no sleep or the bigger ones like fear for your baby's health it's really all our choice on whether we let motherhood take us down or whether we conquer motherhood and own it. I got this.


1 comment:

  1. Angela, congrats on your sweet bundle of joy! You are doing a GREAT job, continue to conquer motherhood. :)