Mothering, alcohol, and those damn princess shoes: now I remember why I don't do this anymore

Today we went to a wine and arts festival. And I thought I had jokingly told my husband at the end of the week I was going to get "wasted" I think were my words,not really meaning them. Usually when we go places that involve alcholol I have a drink or two and then stop so I can be the "responsible" parent. However, he did know that he was giong to be the DD, and I was not going to be the "responsible" one.

Honestly, if we lived near family, it would have probably been a good day for them to go to grandma's house, but they were very well behaved while we tasted some wine. The embarrassing Averi climbing on the bookshelf in the library was a rare incident. She usually saves her "what is she thinking" antics for home. They played well together at the festival and they got lots of compliments on their cuteness and behavior.

So after we tasted lots of wine, checked out some arts vendors, Averi tie dyed a T shirt and got her face painted, we headed home. It was during that LONG car ride I was reminded "oh my Gosh," I remember why I don't do this anymore. I don't recall being able to go from drunk to hung over to passed out all the span of less than an hour. Is that a new development as you get older? It's not that I don't have a drink here and there but I sure don't drink like that anymore. We were going to go out to dinner before we headed home, and luckily my husband was getting a good laugh out of my state and was sympathetic and took me straight home. And good thing because I was sick not even five minutes walking in the door. Now I regret all those times I made fun of my husband when he's the one sick and hung over. He thought it'd be funny to stand there, laughing at me, and taking pictures! I'm sure to send to my sisters or use to remind me later what happens when you drink too much.

Then I flat out passed out on my bed. He was just going to have to be the one in charge tonight. I was one momma out of business for a few hours. I think I was out for about two hours and was brought back to the world of the living with the clank, clank of those damn princess shoes of Averi's on our hardwood floor. I had a throbbinng hangover headache and she and then Kenzi thought not only did they need to walk around the house in the darn things but they LOVED the clank of them on the floor so they would stomp around the house in them. Now imagine what that does to a hangover headache. Needless to say I wanted to chuck those damn things out the window.

The comedy of errors of everyday life with A & N

Somehow our parenthood adventure always tends to be comedy of errors. And this week was no exception. We all survived, but it was NOT pretty at times. There are definitely no parenting awards over here. Oh, and since I'm writing this and Nate's not, I'm going to blame everything on him.

So where should I start? There was Monday night while  I'm cleaning up the dishes and feeding the dog, I hear Nate holler from the bottom of the basement steps. And at the bottom of them was poor Kenzer bawling her eyes out because who knows how many steps she toppled down. She wasn't feeling well as it was so she cried and she cried. But she let me rock her to sleep so that was the positive of her falling down the stairs.

Tuesday. Oh, Tuesday, that was the day that because Nate had a paper due Wednesday we came home between work and gymnastics so we could drop him off. So I was using that thirty minutes to read on my phone. And I think he was having his man period or something that day because he starts getting all pissy that I'm reading and ignoring everything, which I do do when I start reading, which is why I never read anymore! Well, you put a PMS male with PMS female and you have a whole lot hot tempers flying around. Needless, to say we didn't make it to Averi's gymnastics because I thought by the time I drove the twenty minutes there less than half of it would be left so I took Ave and Kenz to the park to get away from so called PMS man. Park was fun. Besides the fact that I forgot that little math/physics whatever it is equation where you shouldn't put two totally different weighted people on a see saw because the light one-in this case Averi-would flip right off. But mama saved her. That's right. I caught her and told her that was not a good idea and she needed to find a younger park friend that didn't outweigh her by 30lbs. And this is where things getting pissed on just started taking over my week.

I made the mistake when she was little and there were no potties around about letting her just go outside. WE pulled the car over on the side of the road once for her to go outside. But now she thinks it's okay to just walk away from the playground and find a nearby tree and drop her drawers to go. Except she picked a tree where her bare butt was facing the parking lot. Well, so no judgments here people, I directed her over to the tree clear across in the other direction farther away from the playground. Sorry, but the other option was the porta potty. And I would go stand behind the tree to go before going in one of those things so I was NOT sending my four year old in there. What if she fell in?!? I have weird paranoia about that.

The next morning Averi wakes me up crying of an ear ache. So I took the day off to take Kenzi to the doctor. Yeah, you read that right. Averi was fine, I already had the day off, Kenz had been coughing something awful for over a week so I took her to the doctor to find out the poor kid has an upper respiratory infection and needs antibiotics. Ave talked me into getting them bubbles and a pool on the way home. And she's in the house with the bubbles and I remember telling her to make sure she puts the lid on them because Kenzi is always knocking them over or spilling them. I go back to my room and am checking a message on my phone and I hear Averi go, "whoops". I look up at the same time my foot hits the wet slippery mess on the floor and down I go. Averi of course tries to clean up, I go to get something, and what do you know. Feet over head goes Kenzi on the floor. That was the day they both magically fell asleep at five though and I TOOK A NAP!!! Except when Nate got home from class then they were wide awake, and I remember at one point they were running around playing and being their usual loud, over energetic selves, the dog was barking, the TV was blaring, and Nate and I looked at each other like "Yep, welcome, to the nut house!"

Thursday morning I woke up thinking maybe I had peed my pants. My whole backside was soaked. I just figured i must have sweated really bad. It wasn't until I went to get Averi out of our bed that I realized no she peed all over everything. She hasn't wet the bed in forever and she just slept through it! How do you do that? Oh, wait, I slept through laying in her pee too. Being that I have to be at work too damn early, I did not take a shower, my husband reminded me way more than he should have in my bitchy mood that I smelled like pee. (Course he thinks everything has a bad smell) I get halfway to work to realize I forgot to give Kenzi her medicine and from there for the rest of the day I was mad at the world. I'm pretty sure I restarted the argument again from Tuesday on the way to work so by the time I got to work I was in need in one of my mommy timeouts (I seem to need those a lot this year).

Come Friday, Averi attempted to potty train Kenzi. She was really set on this. "I put her in underwear, Mom. Don't worry. I'll take her when she has to go."She didn't quite get that Kenzi doesn't know yet when she has to go. I'm just glad when Kenzi decided to pee herself she did it on Averi's bed so now it's Friday night and everything has been peed at this point and now I have a bulkier, larger amount of laundry to do this weekend. Then that darn medicine again. Our life has had like a theme this week-pee and antibiotics. I was going to fill the dropper for Kenz's medicine and the darn thing fell down in the bottle. And I couldn't get it out so I went back to our bathroom to get the tweezers to pull it out and walked in on Nate doing what boys do when they sit on the potty. (I thought he was downstairs watching hockey in my defense!) And here's how our week ended:

Nate, "If it's not the girls barging in it's you. Can't I take a shit in peace?"
Me,    "Nope, if I can't read you can't take a shit in peace!"

I always have to have the last word. HAHA! TGIF!



                                           Averi did learn how to rollerblade this week though!

                                 

                                                            Sister bonding this week

                                                            Testing out the pool

Why are there always so many me s?

In the process of going through old files I came across this poem I wrote probably three years ago when

Averi was a baby. Unfortunately, I don't feel that much has changed. I"m still running around like crazy being

too many me s. Thank God I'm not coaching or going to grad school anymore. That was the first two years

of Averi's life.

But now there's two of them that need me.

Nate is the busier one with grad school and I've picked up extra hours of work. Last year

when Kenz was born was the most balanced and "having it all together" with this 

career mom thing I remember having in the four years I've been a working mom. What was different then? I

need to figure it out. I need an action plan for this balancing act called my life.  So the plan is to have one 

of those more content kind of years next year and to work towards my ideal working mom goal, which

would be to work outside of the home part time. To me working part time has always been the idea of the

best of both worlds. I couldn't be a complete stay at home mom unless I had a full my schedule with a

bunch of projects. But after staying home today with the girls, I'm still convinced staying at home with your

kids is just as much if not more work than work. But I have SO much more patience by the end of the day

because I'm not stretched as thin with trying to do what I do at home on top of a full work day in the same

24 hours of time. And I got to play with my kids without feeling rushed. There's just too many me s.

Sometimes I think I get lost on which me I need to be.

Which Me Should I be???

Do you wonder what it’s like to be me?

Which me would you like to be?

The mom, the wife, the housekeeper,

Or the teacher, the coach, and grad student

But let s not forget the sister, daughter, and friend

Which Me should I be?

Pushing through the day with papers to grade,

Records to keep, lessons to plan

From there off to class or games to attend

If only this me would end

Rushing home in time to eat,

Do bathtime and read bedtime stories

Then down to do dishes and clean up

If only I could be more of the mom me

Too many roles with sometimes too much criticism

And too little appreciation

If only you understood what its like to be me

End of the night still have papers to write,

Papers to grade, and lessons to finalize

If only I didn’t still have to be this me

The end of the day with no time

Left to be the family me for husband, sisters, or parents.

Anymore do my friends even have a chance to know me?

If only I didn’t have to be so many mes

Now do you understand what it s like to be me?



Moms, how many different me s are there to you? And how do you balance so many versions of you?

Chasing fairy tales

Once upon a time, there was girl. A college girl in her last year of college, excited for the next chapter in her life that would begin in a few months. She waited tables at one of the local bars and there she met a boy. He wasn't going to school anymore and was pretty much running the bar owner's bars along the college strip. He was sweet, friendly, loved music and the social atmosphere. At first they were just friends but then over a few months they started to become more than friends. She was a little unsure at first. He was older, had tattoes, pierced ears (those things her dad would frown upon), his life was a little out of sorts to say the least and he seemed a little lost on his path.  He was a dream, a free spirit, the opposite of her since she was always the reality check type of person, the one who always had a plan. But they say opposite attract, and attract they did in this case. He swept her off her feet with late nights sitting under the stars of his topless Jeep, spring and summer mornings listening to classic tunes, with spontaneous trips camping, to the lake, and even halfway across the country. She knew she was in for the ride of her life when just two months after being together he said, "come east with me." Just pack up and head east and see what we find. He was that type of person that would just pack up, throw caution to the wind, and do it. She felt that she was living some kind of "Heads Carolina, Tails California" song. As much as she wanted to be totally spontaneous and take a crazy leap of faith, she convinced him to wait a year while she followed through on a committment to her first actual job.

The next year was tough. They lived two hours apart. He lost his job because of something her sassy mouth said (that's a different story) and even though he got a better job he was eventually laid off from that. Then the end of the year came and it was time for that moment of truth. Did she go east with him? There was something about this dreamer that drove her like a moth to flame. But their fairy tale wasn't perfect, and neither of them were strangers to relationships. They had both been down the failed relationship road in the past. At some point the fairy tale dies and the truth of who they each really are is bared. What awaited them when dreaming would crash with reality?

Click here for part II of the story The truth of the fairy tale (also known as the Original A & N story)

The years that followed from that first journey to truth and reality were at times still wonderful in some instances and ugly in others, the way ugly can be when two people get caught up in their own selfish attitudes and behaviors. We were two very independent people, stubborn at times, sure we were right and the other was wrong. I was the one with the temper but he learned quick how to match it. We gave ourselves almost four years out there together alone before starting our own family. It was a smart four years I see now. We both had a lot of growing up to do, a lot of things to see and fix about ourselves, things to learn to accept about the other, and the best thing of all is we had four years of having fun together. We traveled, we went to sporting events, we hung out and partied with friends frequently, had nice dinners out, and enjoyed the life we were slowly building for ourselves. We learned because we didn't have any family around that the only people we had to count on was each other. We became a team, partners, in working together to build a life we wanted for ourselves and the kids we would have. That unity of counting on just each other strengthened us probably more than anything. It forced us to work together and work through our problems with one another.

Even though we fight WAY less now than we did those four years (more like we have mild disagreements now), I miss the him and I that we use to be. But I love the him and I as mommy and daddy more. We are different and better people than we were then. But again as the fairy tale slips farther and farther away and reality settles in, the everyday life of parenthood and all the balance that it entails, I hate the gap that widens. The distance of who we use to be to who we are. We're so busy, we're so tired, we're so overwhelmed. We love each other but don't know how to make time for just each other anymore. Another summer goal of mine is to have time for just my husband again. It'll be eight years June 20 that we left to begin this life we now have. It's been a hell of a journey. There are so many stories to it, so many ugly and beautiful truths (maybe one day we'll share them all), but as beautiful as the fairy tale of love is, the reality of it is it's work. Hard work. You have to work at it everyday. Some days harder than others. I do not feel that ours is broken, not all, just a little lost in the shuffle of parenthood. We have worked hard at so many different things in our life, and we have worked hard on our relationship in the past, and I think to work on it this summer to rekindle some romance will actually be fun work. Maybe he'll leave me a love note in my laundry basket again or make me a CD of all the songs that remind me of our past again.

                                    
           The road may be a little bumpy at times, but it's been a journey worth it. Excited to see what
                                                             the next ten years bring.

The princesses and their prince

As this is a mommy blog, I am of course always talking about my role as mommy or my two adorable but sometimes mischievous daughters. But there is one more important person in this story that makes our life complete and his name is Daddy.

Just like most men, my husbands has always wanted a boy at some point, but for whatever reason, with our first pregnancy he seemed to actually lean towards wanting a girl more. And a girl is what we got. Twice now.  I am often awed by the father/daughter relationship. I experienced it as one of three daughters and now raising daughters I am experiencing it again in a different way.  Little boys need their daddy too; I just don't know anything about little boys so with father's day approaching I wanted to look at daddy's girls.

My girls adore their daddy. There is no denying that, especially my oldest one who's had the longest to wrap him around her finger. My oldest daugther is very much like her daddy and they have a special bond that I know will last forever. And she is his world. I really have no idea how he is going to handle things like them getting boobs, or starting their periods, or that day they bring a boy home and there's some other man of importance in their life other than their daddy. These will be tough moments for him.

But I also know no matter what happens Daddy's arms are where they'll find the most comfort. Just like my dad, my husband is very calm, laid back, doesn't get upset or worried easily. Girls, women, tend to be a little emotional we'll say. We get all worked up, worried, bent out of shape, but man, those daddies sure do know how to calm us down no matter how old we get. He will be that voice of reason for them. That reassurance that they can past the disappointments and hurt and move forward.

He loves pampering them. He can put together a fancier updo than I can, and whenever we go shopping for them together he picks out the girly dresses while I always seem to be the one picking out the play clothes they can get dirty and tear up. He once said the thing with girls was that he felt like it was more okay to cuddle them so much, and he loves to cuddle them. They cuddle, especially my oldest, with him as much as they cuddle with me.

But as much as he treats them like the precious baby dolls they are, he will also rough house with them. Averi will constantly put her hands up in little fist and go "you wanna westle", and wrestle around on the floor they will. He gets her all into watching football and hockey with him. She'll excited put on her team clothes when he tells her they're on TV. She'll watch for a bit and he's always telling her how he'll take her to her first actual game one of these years.

As we all know little girls grow into young women and one day he will sadly have to watch them go. Go out into the world on their own and there will probably at some point be another man in their lives but Daddy will always be the first man that showed them what a good man is and how a man should treat a woman. Daddys are a little girl's first love. They think daddy is the prince they see on their disney movies and they ask daddy to marry them. And a daddy's love is a love that is always there and will stand all the tests of time and life.

Watching the bond between my husband and daughters has always been one of the most beautiful things I've experienced about parenting. It's such a pure, unconditional love and I am so thankful every day that my girls have such a great man to call their daddy.