Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Maybe it's Better I Didn't have a Choice

Our babysitter had to go out of town for family this week so I had to stay home yesterday and today. Between my husband and a friend and neighbor we have the other three days covered. Getting to stay home always gives me a little taste of life on the other side of the fence.

I'm not going to lie. I did enjoy my two days home getting to be stay at home mommy. I got to take Ave to the bus stop and get her off the bus both days. Kenz and I spent the day time playing outside and coloring together. I easily got a workout in both days. I got lots of laundry done. I also did quite a bit of grading and planning for work too though.

At one point I asked myself, "If money wasn't a factor, what choice would I really make when it comes to the choice of staying home or working." In this moment of realization I realized maybe it was better I didn't have a choice. As a working mom, I often wish I could be home more. This time of their early childhood is going so fast and as any parent knows you can't get it back.

However, now I have one in school, and as for my almost three year old, as much as I loved her "This is the best day ever!" cry as I pushed her on the swings yesterday, she too needs and gains from the interaction and preschool lessons she gets from her time at Miss Tammy's.

Even though I can fill up a whole day at home staying busy around the house, I know myself too well. It wouldn't be enough for me. I don't say that to take away from anyone that stays home. We are all different people, and we all need different things to fill fulfilled. I need my days to feel more productive. I don't think I'd be happy as a stay at home mom. For me personally, I'd feel like I was missing something.

I have to be honest too. I'm a little selfish. After this year I'm one third of the way to retirement. If I can get and keep our finances in order the way I want, we'll be able to retire before we're sixty, possibly 55 for myself , around the same time my kids finish college. That's young. Then hopefully I can help the girls out with their children as they enter the family part of their lives so maybe they can more easily find that balance with both family and career.

If money wasn't an issue, I think the choice I would make would be to still do some kind of work. I enjoy being in the classroom. Sometimes the grading load gets to me, but in dream land if I had a choice I think would teach part time and be home a little more for my girls. But I'd also be doing that at the cost of pushing my retirement goals back to a later age. Maybe to some it's not a tough choice. Even though I speak often of wishing I could possibly have the opportunity to be a stay at home mom, money or no money, it would have been a very tough choice for me.

What about you? Is or would the decision to be a stay at home mom or working mom be an easy choice or is it a tough choice?


 Sales from my book, Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas,  this month is going to the Families of SMA this month.   The book examines how our 21st century digital world shapes our perceptions and expectations of our capabilities as mothers, wives, employers, and women. I talk about balance or the struggle of finding balance often in here. It will leave you with a humorous and inspirational look at the individual journey of motherhood that takes each of us from the girl we were to the woman we become. The book is also now available on the Amazon kindle for $3.99 and the Barnes and Noble Nook for $4.99. With the purchase of print and ebook books  20% of sales goes towards a children's charity for the The PACI Fund Project. This Fall donations are going to the Families of SMA charity.


  1. I have always thought of teaching as a vocation, something you do because you love it, so I can see how the choice would be a hard one for you. My job is just a job; a way to pay the rent so, if I could do it financially, I would definitely choose to be home. I think that each of us has to do what feels best to us and what takes care of the needs of our families so there is no right answer.

    1. There is definitely no right answer. Sometimes I would love to just experience the staying home side for just a year so then I would "know" for me what really is/was the right choice.