Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Mother to Mother: My letter to you

I’ve had the awesome opportunity to speak to several women and moms lately through emails, internet messaging, and even some long overdue phone calls. I love the honesty and relief that results from talking to other women woman to woman. We’re all afraid no one else is experiencing what we’re experiencing; that by admitting our struggles and failures that we’ve somehow failed at motherhood. But this is not the case; we all struggle in different ways. This is not an easy journey and as we go through it we get overwhelmed, exhausted, bogged down, and honestly just hit moments where we feel completely inadequate with all that’s expected of us. I love that writing this blog has offered me an opportunity to connect with so many moms and hopefully help them feel better or feel like they’re not alone. Blogging and writing about motherhood more so than my kids last spring became my outlet to a depression I was struggling to pull myself out of. For whatever reason I had reached a point where I couldn’t mentally in a healthy way handle the stress I was dealing with anymore. I knew I was depressed but I’m a little hard headed and resistant to things like seeking help.

I even finally gave in to my anti medication stance and called the doctor to get a prescription except they couldn’t get me in for two months. Thank God I wasn’t a woman on a serious warpath. Writing became my outlet, and as I connected with more and more women, and did some other things in my personal life to get back to a level minded playing field, I found my way out without the help of the doc and meds. The same way women and moms like to connect with me to share the struggles of modern day motherhood, it was the opening of this door to all of you and your kind words and encouragement and acknowledgment that I’m not alone in what I see now as typical struggles of motherhood that brought me here. The moms I've met or reconnected with through writing here has truly helped and inspired me in so many ways as a mom and a grown woman. So to you I say thank you. Words are a powerful thing, and never doubt the power of them. Your words could mean so much more to a person than you ever imagine or think possible but sometimes to say or write the things we think is a scary thing.

Writing is my hobby, but my actual paying job is as a teacher. I love to try to inspire, encourage, motivate people. It’s what I do. Always trying to inspire, encourage, motivate a kid to find their greatness, to make something of their life, to find what drives them and makes them want to be successful. I also try to encourage them as they write to tap into their own feelings and emotions because as someone who loves to write I can tell you there is a sense of freedom in using words to cope with life's struggles. I feel that writing has allowed me this unplanned opportunity to do that with women, other mothers, but let me share this. I want this to be the place of sharing and encouraging that it’s been these last few months. But I want to stress the message that I do not have it all together, I am nowhere near having all the answers now or probably ever, and my only goal when it comes to inspiring, encouraging, and motivating is not to make mothers feel like they need to be like some other ideal “mother”, but to just want to get up everyday happy that we’re a mother, and ready to be a little better at who we are than who we were the day before.

I love social media but one of the problems with social media is we all feel like we have to measure up to this unrealistic “supermom” image that some present on facebook or other social media networks. They probably don’t even do it on purpose; they just want to share the things that are great and make them happy in their life. But this leads to some of us thinking “how does she do it ‘all’” and feeling insufficient. This is where as women our harshest critics sometimes are ourselves. No other woman judges us as much as we judge ourselves. You are a great mother. You share your stories with me in different ways just as I share mine with you here. Every one of you should give yourself a pat on the back.

A friend of mine said it so well when she said we’re all great at different things. This is something as teachers we’re taught and teach to our students. That doesn’t change as we become adults and mothers. One mom may be great at staying in shape but struggles with keeping a clean house or doing crafty projects. Another mom may be the craftiest woman you’ve ever seen but functions on unorganization and thinks working out is talking the stairs at work. There’s the mom that keeps the immaculate house even with the four children but couldn’t be crafty if her life depended on it. And just because I’m a mom that writes about motherhood does not mean I’m any better of a mother than any other woman. So please don’t put me or any mother on some unrealistic pedestal. We are all just doing the best we can with the talents and resources we have available to us.

When I was younger as a softball player I remember struggling with self confidence in my abilities much in the same ways I see mothers of today struggle with it. I was pitcher so my role always stood out. As competitive as I am, I accepted early in my softball career I would never be the best player, but I was determined to compete with the best. I feel that motherhood is the same way. The goal isn’t necessarily to be the best because honestly we all excel in so many different ways there really is no way to name a true mother of the year (does that really exist?) but more so the goal should be to be right there with the best, juggling and failing at times in this multitasking balancing act that is motherhood. Love the journey, mama. It’s not always easy but as any older been there momma will tell you, the early years of childrearing are over in a blink. Don’t be too hard on yourself and enjoy the ride.
As one mother to another I thank you for reading and sharing in my journey of motherhood. Always feel free to email me at I love connecting and sharing with moms.

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  1. I definitely agree about social media making us feel like we aren't good enough. I avoid pinterest because it seems that everyone has way more crafting talent than I do :) I'm glad that writing has helped you feel better. I use my blog as an outlet too. It's hard staying at home since I don't get as much adult interaction and blogging allows me to have interaction with other women from a variety of backgrounds that I might now have meet off line. Great post :)

  2. Thank you for being you. I am sorry you have had some struggles, I just want to give you a big hug. I enjoy reading your real voice. I know some (blogs, social media) where they only post about the good. It is easy and exciting to share good news, but without the bad, good wouldn't feel so great. Plus sharing the not so great is really the only way someone else will know you need a hug.

  3. I love people who are brave enough to post the real, not only the good, but also the ugly! Well Written post!

    Domesticated Breakdown

  4. Thanks for sharing this post in Saturday Share! I agree with you that we are our harshest critics. In a similar way, I started blogging to share with others the ups (AND DOWNS!) of everyday life with kids. I make it a point not to compare myself with others, but to be inspired by the possibilities of what I could be for my children.

    Shannon @ Mamamusing