My Darling Daughters,
Every day I hope you know no matter how distracted, how tired or grumpy , or short and impatient I may be with you that I love you more than anything, more than I ever imagined possible. I pray every night for not just your health and safety but your happiness. You are two very happy, innocence girls now, but I know one day the realities of the world will pop that bubble of innocence. I dread that day. I hope no matter how it occurs though you always search for the good because even in the worse circumstances I am always amazed by the good that comes forth from humanity, whether it’s a whole group or just an individual. I believe there is more good than bad in the world. As your mother, I hope I can pass that belief onto you and the belief that love and happiness really are the most valuable things in this world.
I question almost every day if I am doing right by you. I won’t go into the details of why I even doubt myself but maybe one day when you’re a mother and you so desperately need me to just listen and still just simply be your mom, I’ll share with you why I found some moments of motherhood so unbelievably tough and uncertain. I never questioned choices I made before you girls, but now I wonder if some I’ve made were for the wrong reasons and maybe not in your best interest after all. As you get older you become more and more aware of your surroundings and mimic everything I do, which is incredibly sweet and scary because the way I do things may not always be the right way.
I want to raise you into strong, independent women and I have to say as your mother the example to be that is a hard expectation to live up to sometimes. I’m not always sure what all I’m supposed to model here. At times motherhood seems to uncertain; it's not always as natural as everyone likes to make it sound. Sometimes I feel that I’m so busy trying to be so many other things I forget to just be your mom. Sometimes I think I'm so busy modeling so many roles in my life I forgot the most important one to you and me and that is the one as your mother. I feel my relationship with you is the most important relationship I will ever have in my life. I know you’re going to be teenagers one day and probably think I’m a crazy old lady and rebel against me (I did so I guess I got it coming), but I hope when it’s all said and done and you’re grown women-independent and strong-and ready to be mothers yourself, you’ll see that I’ve always loved you more than anything or anyone, through all the craziness or awful stages, and that I gave being your mom everything I had. This is the hardest job I’ve ever had but without a doubt also the best. The only people I care about thinking whether I got this momma gig right or not is you. I won't always get every momma thing right. I'm going to make mistakes, probably poor decisions, and we won't always get along. There's lots of great mommas out there, but I just hope when it's all said and done, you just think I was the best momma for you.
I love you to the moon and back. One minute I can’t wait to see the women you’ll become and the next I just want you to stay my sweet, innocent little girls a little longer.
Your one and only mama