Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Calling BS on the No Spanking and Yelling Movement

I am totally calling bullshit on this whole no spanking and yelling parental movement of today. Now does that mean I yell and spank my kids all the time. Hell, no; however, I am not damn Mary Poppins here either.

That's kind of what I feel like this whole movement expects. That as parents we need to be all sugar and sweet and singy songy happy to our kids ALL THE DAMN TIME. Talk about a false reality in the parenting world here.

God knows admitting you maybe occasionally swatted your kid on the behind with a swat that wouldn't hurt a fly these days will probably have the police knocking on your door the next day. My mother did always tell me not discipline or yell at my kids when I'm angry, and I've found it's actually pretty good advice to remember when they're pushing those buttons they can sometimes push so well. Sometimes I think this is the most important thing more so than the method of disciplining that a parent uses. Anger leads to irrational actions or actions that come out harsher than we intended.

However, I also think it's important to not sugar coat our disappointment in their behaviors.  Kids are going to screw up. They're going to screw up when they're adults. Get this? They're not perfect and neither are we or any other adult so why sugar coat those moments they screw up with happy songs and little pats on the back telling them it's okay, they'll know better next time. I can tell as a teacher of 16 year old kids that are a year away from entering the adult world whose parents sugar coat their child's disappointments and who is definitely not going to be Mary Poppins when that kid gets home from school. I usually speak to the non Mary Poppins parent once; I talk to the other one more times than I can count.

A child's parents' are the first people they will test the limits with, and it is those parents' responses that set the stage,  and if my kids think nothing they do is going to anger, upset, or disappoint me, boy are they going to be in for a shock as they make their way into the real world. I think it's important for our kids to push boundaries and limits with us, the people they know love them unconditionally, because there are going to be boundaries and limits they need to push as they get older. Some will be ones they have to push through; others might be ones they shouldn't but again remember they're not perfect. And mistakes are where we, and them, learn so I think it's important for them to get an authentic response from us to know how to build on those mistakes and disappointments we sometimes cause others.

That being said most adults don't go around pushing limits by hitting people so no we are not big spankers around here; however, a nonviolent parent that spanks here or there I do not believe is an abusive parent so I'm not part of the anti spanking movement.  Some would probably say I yell, but there's something to be said about tone of voice. Maybe people don't like the word "yell" anymore, but my kids know when I start getting on them with a particular tone that it's time to straighten up. If Daddy raises his voice, which is not very often, they know to snap to attention. The daddy voice always seems to be way more effective than the mommy voice (was when I was growing up).  Either way, when we get out the daddy or mommy voice we sure the hell don't sound like Mary Poppins.

What's your arguments for the whole anti spanking and yelling movement of today?

Recent Posts

The Sex After Kids Club

Myth Busting My Life

Have you got your copy of my book,  Moms, Monsters, Media & Margaritas. It's also available in print and ebook on Amazon with a couple reviews as well.

1 comment: