Monday, March 10, 2014

Disappointment over the Gender of your Baby?

As pretty much everyone that reads this knows, we have two daughters. Some of you also know I am one of three girls. My husband also only has a sister. Neither one of us knows much about the relationship of having a brother, but as my oldest will tell you she is convinced she's getting a baby brother one day. My husband also likes to mentions things about the third and last baby being a boy or son. However, as all of us know it's not exactly like we just get what we want in life. At times I feel guilty for even wanting one gender over another.

For myself I had said I wouldn't start to think about a third until I was good with the thought of three girls. Now that all I know is how to raise and mother girls, I'm more than okay with the thought of another girl. However, I think I will feel a bit of disappointment for Nate and even the girls. As much as I love my sisters, I know the three of us always wanted and wondered about having a brother too. With my first pregnancy, I think both of us were leaning towards wanting a girl so with the second we were both hoping for a boy. As the story goes we got another girl. I remember at first feeling a little disappointed, but then I of course felt guilty for being disappointed about the baby's gender. However, I love that Averi got to experience the bond of sisters and of course now we couldn't imagine our life without our little firecracker, Kenzer Grace.

Recently I came across two other blogs where the mother found out her third was her second boy, and even though her first was girl, she wanted a sister for her daughter. She admitted to having a small cry about it and then proceeded to pack up all those adorable little girl clothes to give away. Another blogger I like to read wrote a letter to the son he never had; he's the father of three girls. They both love the children they have very much, as does friends and family that I know that have experienced moments of disappointment when the gender of their baby wasn't the gender they were hoping for.

So many times I feel guilty for even a moment of disappointment or self pity in my life; I have had a very blessed life. So I found it reassuring that even when yes we have so much to be thankful for it's okay to let ourselves experience disappointment when things don't work the way we want them to. This was a nice reminder for anything in life. In fact the more I thought about it I thought we should recognize disappointment when it comes because otherwise just like any other negative emotion if we hide it, it can build towards that even nastier emotion of resentment. No one wants that.

So as we got closer to the possibility of a third, I am a little anxious already about the gender. We always said we'd have three. I didn't know in the beginning that was three tries for a boy, but this possible next one is the last attempt for brother. I know no matter what it is though, we will love it like we all already love each other, and then it'll be like we couldn't imagine our life without him or her.


  1. Angela, I often joke about breaking out in sweats if we ever had a girl (only because I was a difficult child) but IF we are blessed with a third and it was a girl I know I would absolutely adore her as much as my boys....However BOY or GIRL I would worry about multiples LOL A friend decided to have a third and just gave birth to triplets! YIKES!

  2. Kids are beautiful, boys or girls! Don't be anxious about it, just enjoy them :))

  3. I remember being a bit upset that the second was a girl, just because I was afraid she would be a girly girl and we would have no idea what to d with her! Well she is definitely not a girly girl and can't imagine life without her!!! On the other hand pretty sure the boy still wishes she was a brother. lol