Sunday, March 30, 2014

Trying to Teach Myself some Patience

I've had a week where I had a typical panic Ang moment. I'm a planner, a little A type personality, and definitely a control freak. I hate being in transition, waiting to see how things will play out. I think that's why moving was so hard on me. I hate all the waiting, the what ifs, the not being able to make decisions because you have to wait for something else to fall into place first.

So as excited as I am about a new job and new beginnings and just something different for both Nate and myself, the whole anxiety with transition has kicked in. I bring most of this on myself. I don't usually pray or ask for much for myself, but lately I've decided maybe I should ask for some patience for myself for my own as well as family's mental sake. In all these past transition phrases-leaving home to move east, Nate's job change out of city schools, moving here and renting out the other house-everything has always worked out fine in the end.

In the last week I came to realize switching jobs would mean leaving the sitter that has watched both my girls on and off over the last five years. This is where my recent excitement about new changes turned into anxiety. Not only would I be leaving someone that I love for my girls and myself and that we would miss, but I needed to start putting in the work to find someone to replace her now because it is so hard to find spots for reliable, good daycare. When I first started my search, I hit a wall of disappointment at first because I started to realize how much more expensive daycare centers near our house was going to be. Then it was not only did I have to find someone I liked, somewhere that was a convenient location for us, but now financial stress was added when I was looking at paying $300-$400 more than I planned for one full time and a before/possibly after school child care. We're living on two teachers' 10 month salaries here. I have us operating on a very tight budget; there is very little wiggle room. Factoring in $300-400 more a month was deflating. I just spent nine of the last twelve months picking up extra work to cover our regular bills with the transitional expenses of a new mortgage and an unplanned car payment and still maintain a little extra funds for trips and Christmas. Hence my gloomy mood for the last few days. This is where my lack of patience comes in. I get very moody, attacking, and want to know right now what the plan of action is to fix the problem.

This is where the difference between mine and Nate's personalities come in. I see problems before they're actually even problems. Just like with this it won't be a problem for another six months. Nate sees it as it's six months away why are you freaking out about it now. On one hand I so wish I was like him and just didn't worry and get all bent out of shape about things. But on the other hand because I overplan, look ahead too much, sometimes see problems before they're problems, I get in a crazy frez about attacking and  fixing them. Now sometimes because of this I probably save us from larger problems but other times I cause a lot of stress and anxiety for both myself and Nate for no reason because overtime things just fall into place.

I am also known for jumping on the first option when in transition because I'm too impatient to see what all my options are. I hate the unknown. But patience, I keep telling myself. I did make some phone calls today, and no matter where our jobs take us I possibly found a great solution to our daycare problem that is only going to cost us at most an extra $125 a month rather than closer to $400. Again patience rather anxiety would have served me better in this case. Wish me luck on working on this.

Recent Posts
Heads Carolina? Tails Colorado? (A flashback to our early love story)

Check out Little Passports (share the world with your kids through the mail)

Self Awareness (a work in progress about me post)

Chicken Makes you Strong, MOM (an Averi story)


1 comment:

  1. NOW I know why we like reading each other's posts! Reading this was like reading a description of my own reactions to some stressful situations! I hear that the first step of every 12-step recovery program is admitting it...Hang in there and let me know how it turns out,